AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 8:14:00 PM ----- BODY: -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 6:44:00 PM ----- BODY: i worked ten hours today. and it felt like summer as i walked to the bus it was okay. it went by fast. i went for three half hour naps. then i reset a whole room by myself really quickly, and just as i was finishing my boss walks in and is impressed and makes no question as to why he had not seen me in almost five hours. the day manager is retarded, but works really hard. and thus expects you to keep up. my shift started at six am so i got a free cab ride, as the bus does not start until six. This meant i was up at four thirty for a half hour shower of power. Wake and bakes are not wise. And cabs do not stop at Tim Horten's. But it seemed like it had to be done. i wrote this yesterday. the dull edges are rubbing against the bottom of my tongue. while in the shower i had considered going and sitting and talking with my room mates and their company, still up like me from the night before. perhaps the first sign that it was taking affect were these slanting thoughts of socialization, or perhaps i am just feeling lonely. i hesitated for a moment, but then knew. Now was the time, now was the time to get the keyboard. In an hour or so, i may not feel fit for anything of this sort, so i am taking action while the mood strikes me. twenty minutes. it is hard to tell. i had to ask myself the question why, before realizing i had no real reason not to. Yesterday was plenty warm, and today is looking to be nice. Sure you have not really slept in a day, but you have been doing nothing but sleeping the last week anyway. i got one of those disgusting energy drinks... monster something... twas free... but I also have a nice selection of tasty treats like naan and red pepper hummus. Nectarines, oranges, two kinds of yogurt, tea... hmmm i need to get some honey. I am well stocked, at least a quarter here, and i am pretty sure i never finished that bowl from earlier. the paper is almost... no no it is still pretty papery, i guess i had just got used to how it was sitting. I do not want to eat or drink, tho i would like to do both, i do not want to touch the papery, or move it, or get it covered in OJ. I remember a doctor in some American magazine recommend to anyone who wanted to know what it was like to take acid that they need only stay up for a few days, and they would start to hallucinate. So far the only feeling i am having is tired. I had a friend I was sure would meet his end, but he did it double fisted every night he would spend, clutched around a bottle, a bullet, a bong he would be blazing from dusk until dawn, and so on through out the day. until he met his lady friend; she got him to fly right, or at least get the death spiral out of his life, for he is still out there givin er every other fortnight. this of course is not the point. i remember thinking to myself the damage he could inflict on his body and still pass himself off as a somewhat capable human was amazing, i too should be able to suffer the rigors for a weekend. Do not forget your drink in the freezer! Now it is starting to feel like the first vibes of a mushroom trip. As your mind starts subtly changing the way it separated light into the different colours, your breathing becomes deep and regular. your mind eases out of its ability to focus, and into the realm of pleasant day dreams. I think about having to call work in a few hours to confirm that i need them to pick me up if they want me to work on Monday. then i have to call and leave a message for the gas company. I will have to try and call them while i am at work so they do not do anything drastic. I think i need my drink now. It has been forty minutes... how long does it take 500ml to go from room temp to exploding out of the can? these answers and more after i put on some pants. No explode. Disappointing. also i converge on ideas as to where this topic should go. i will admit that we are now forty seven minutes into our adventure, and i think it is time to turn on the Newsom. It really is rather disgusting how much i enjoy listening to her album. I have managed to not listen to it every day... but i think that is more as i need a rest. It has now gotten to the point where i know it well enough to not really have to be listening to sing along in my head. But she is like a deep dark forest, the more interesting things are found the deeper you go, but the more likely you will end up lost. AN HOUR AN D A HALF IN AND I HAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON. i was texting people in CAPITOLS it seems. at seven am. suck on a stamp, fold over the envelope and send yourself on a trip, one way. So i sit here sipping my nasty, but other wise addictive sugar cannistar to be met with the exclamation of VITAMINS+ do people who drink this crap really think they are doing their body a favor? i limit my intake of these vile cannistars as staunchly as i limit my intake any other psychoactive. caffeine kills man! Shortly after that writing was not really interesting. I had been planing on doing all ten, at once when it was nice out, but then decided i wanted to do it now. All ten would have likely changed my life, but with an already sore ankle, a chilly day, and what would have turned into a two and a half dayOdyssey. I took half of what was recommended for my time. Next time i will take four times as much. I can see how it could make people sit in the corner and scream about spiders, i can see why people called it religion in a pill when it was first being circulatedamongst the intelligentsia in Europe. I can see why it was so popular, and why it scared so many people who were not ready to understand. It made me think about time, and how easily we get locked into a cycle system. The sun rises and falls for each day, the seven days make a week, our weeks make years, which are marked by four rotating seasons. Our birthdays come and we are suddenly reminded that we are not a cycle. Twenty three years old! Are you fucking kidding! I am going to be eight thousand five hundred days old in three hundred and twelve hours! We are finite beings, each day counts against our total. How do you plan on spending your time? I am going to do some more acid. Uehen -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:09:00 PM ----- BODY: With the courage of a kite jerkin tight at its tether. I wrote a complaining email to the bean bag people. I told them the bag was well made, and much more orange than the website let me believe, however it was not nearly as filled as bags on their website. It is kind of flat. So they are sending me more stuffing. Which makes me believe they just put extra stuffing in the ones they show online, and if any one complains they send them more filling. no fuss no muss. but dishonest. chest pains crippling. it comes and goes, every four to six months, lasting from a few days to almost a month. Each time seems worse than the last. when i was in grade five or six i was tested for every manner gut ill. i got better before they figured it out. after high school i went back to see a doctor after weeks of binding pain, he told me it happens to people my age, there is nothing that can be done, no one is sure what causes it, but they think it is stress related. which means when i was in grade five i was suffering from something that normally affects people eight to ten years older than me. people tell me i seem older than i am. I got Ys in the mail yesterday. It is a double album, but there are only five songs, a song a side, with the exception of A side2. It is nice heavy vinyl. the Jacket itself is also very classy, opening like a book complete with pages of lyrics, thanks, and nods. Uehen. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 5:22:00 PM ----- BODY: I fell down the stairs. I managed to save myself, lose it, save myself again, lose it again, only to then end twisting my ankle. it hurts more than i expected it to. i kept working for a while, then came home. i had no drugs to speak of, so i tried to buy $2.28 worth of cannabis from my room mate. He just smoked me down. We used my latest creation, a four piece sherlock. The way it ended up you can put water in it, and it works. it has no stem, so i am thinking of calling it a stemless bumbler, or a bubbling sherlock... either way. When i get my camera i will take pictures to show you better with. I have been going around to the head shops for ideas. I do not know if the people who make pipes for winnipeg are just lazy, or if there is just a general lack of creativity within the pipe making world. I have a feeling there are a lot of lost souls out there doing nothing but production work. which is why i will have my own store. So i will not be making the same nine pipes for the next twenty years. i have met the fellows who do it. and they are lame.rs. I have also met Marble Slinger. Ha-ha James, where's your gtt? damn my ankles. why are you so weak! i cannot tell if the swelling has gone up or down... which makes me believe it has largely remained the same, which gives me hope of a quick recovery. only one side is swollen. both side hurt. a war of ideologies. I use, perhaps a bowl a plate a fork a spoon a pot and sometimes a glass, when i forget mine in my room, and yet even this would be an inordinately busy day for me in the kitchen. Most often i have to wash these items in order to use them, and i have always made sure to wash them when i am finished. This had been my way of avoiding dish duty. It had gone on unquestioned until just the other day. two of my room mates informed me that it was my turn to do the dishes. i disagreed with them, citing that my theory on dish management was far superior. they did not counter my arguments, so much as they told me again that it was my turn to do the dishs. seeing that any counter point i would make would be met with this same reaction i decided to let it be. it is still my turn to do the dishs. I have since gone out to buy the few dishs i was missing from my own collection, and have started using my own utensils exclusively. it would not be so bad if they did not manage to use every available surface to eat off of, or if they would rinse it afterwards. fuck who am i kidding, i would still not do their dishes. Ofcourse relenting on my beliefs even once on this matter would result in more pressure to repeat the process, so as an alternative and a preemptive measure i cleaned the bathroom again, so as to take the ground from under any of their further protests. i do not even mind doing the dishs. warm water, and clean hands. It is cold in my room for the first time since i have moved in. I have been listening to Kimya Dawson, Regina Spektor, Little Wings, Iron and Wine, Metric, Cat Power, Feist, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Apples in Stereo, Smog, Animal Collective with CocoRosie, and ofcourse Joanna Newsom. I had to order the vinyl for Joannas new album from England. seems they only did a limited run and they already sold out across America. ebay had none, the label had none, their distributors had none. Amazon.co.uk had five. I hope it arrives soon. I do not have any of Animal Collectives work... just this joint venture of theirs with CocoRosie, and the crazy i am hearing is not really what i have come to expect from CocoRosie. Their kind of crazy is not really evident in the work, so i am interested to see what Animal Collective is like without two harpies playing with a Flintstone phone in the back ground. you can make music with a Flintstone phone and still be brilliant. Right now i am going to play some video games. Uehen me -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:5:25 PM COMMENT-BODY:Adding labels is stupid. Last time i do that... -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 8:15:00 PM ----- BODY: In all fairness you should know first that I am in love with Joanna. I would do anything for the chance to give my life to save hers, except going so far as to endanger her life just so i can save her... it has to be real to count. I first heard her while i was in Urban Waves, i went to the girl who was working, and she told me the name. I forgot by the time i was home. I went back every day until the same girl was once again working, and she once again gave me the name. This time i wrote it down. This was roughly October two thousand and five, and i went for what was almost six months listening to her every morning when i woke up. Often to the annoyance of my room mates. For as much as i love her, many people find her to be rather hard to appreciate. The complaint, on her first album especially, is that she sounds like a child. This is something that i have little issue looking past, having always been a fan of people with strange voices. However Out side of those people who simply cannot look past her voice, i do not believe i have heard a word of negativity about her, given you give her the chance. She has been playing the harp since she was wee little girl, but has only been singing for the last two or three years. As a child she went to a school where they would throw javelins, recite translated German poetry about fairy's and witches, as well as various other alternative learning activities. Later she went to a school for new age composition, which she sort of regrets, wishing now she had gone to a more traditional music school. It becomes painfully clear after listening to just a sample of her work that this kind of education turned her into a very strange kind of flower. Her first album, The Milk Eyed Mender, is a collection of music she had released on two previous self released albums, (Walnuts and Whales, Yarn and Glue) along with a few new additions. Most of the tracks consist of just her and her harp, with a few piano numbers, and one with a harpsichord i believe. Her songs have no course, very little repetition, and often tell a winding fairy tale from some far away place. It was her words that spoke to me. Touched me, moved me in a way no female vocalist had ever managed before, her stories cryptic yet so sincere. I was hooked for life. Last November she released her second studio album, Ys, fifty five minutes long, and brilliant. The album chronicles a year of her life, with four songs describing major events through out the year, and one sort of bring it all together. The album features a full orchestra on four of the tracks, with arrangements by Van Dyke Parks. If her last album told fairy tales, this album tells epics, with the shortest song weighing in at just under eight minutes, she continues to raise the bar on the expectations she has for her fans. She started to repeat herself, but only once in a while, which gives the words an added weight. It took me a good three months before i was able to understand the why behind the album, listening to every word she says for as much as fifteen minutes is a challenge, even for a devotee such as myself. A picture started to form, as i drew closer and closer to the why. Why she had to write about this year in her life. Why it needed to be done. When i finally understood, it broke me, moving me to tears, something no other recording artist had managed to do. and even since then i have found myself in tears listening to her. It is still breaking my heart every time. I have never had to work so hard listening to anything before. The fun of the first album was half in figuring out what she was trying to say with her side ways hintings at larger pictures or abstract notions, delusions. So on. The same can be said of Ys, the keys to the album lay hidden in plain sight, if you read the lyrics enough times, i am sure that you would be able to figure it out. Either way, you really should try to give her a chance. Do it. Back to being Uehen Life is a lost opportunity. Think of all the things your parents could have done. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 1:17:00 PM ----- BODY: It is rarely fun to be forced into waiting for anything. I sit and i think of all the more productive things i could have been doing. I think of all the things i will do once the waiting is over, when finally it happens. The delivery guy brings me more o2. Oh joyous i think gleefully, my new tanks are here! I spring into action, unlock the door, allow the man in when... wait! no! there is a problem! Only one tank has been delivered! I have ordered and been charged for two but have only one tank now to show for it! they have fucked up my order once again! this all on top of a history of incorrect delivery dates, wrong tanks being delivered, the delivery of tank not filled completely. It is not as if i am getting this all at discount from some bargain basement o2 supplier, this is a huge global cooperation, the cornerstone of their business model is delivering over priced tanks of gas to people. I am looking for another supplier, but have no yellow pages and the Internet is being no help. Every time i deal with these people i get one step closer to snapping and just spending the five grand on a o2 purifier. It would save me money over the next five years... Long term solutions to short term annoyances. After it all, i am hardly in the mood to be doing anything productive. It sure would be nice to never have to wait for the delivery guy again. Even though he is a good guy, and very understanding of my annoyance. i saved a post as a draft a while ago, and it is now a little dated. I could have gotten a Wii and a dozen games. I could have gotten most of a new computer. Instead i got five pair of tweezers ranging five to seven inches in size, bead release, blow hose kit, corks, PBI Gloves, scoring knife, holding fingers, twelve millimeter tube (one case), six millimeter tube (half case), Glass Alchemy colour rod sample pack and a North Star Glass colour rod sample pack. i ended up getting a whole new computer as well. Tweezers are my favorite of my new toys. Having a range of tweezers is more important than you could imagine when it comes to moving hot glass around. They have allowed me to expand my creative possibilities far beyond pendants. So now i feel that i need more of them. And Jacks. And Shears. then perhaps a Puffer. This is too cool not to get. This will place me within stabbing distance of having everything i need. Before i start buying multiple of the more useful tools... i will just need a glass lathe, an o2 generator, and perhaps a bigger torch. These last three are more down the road kind of ideas. Enough! Sean -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:17 PM COMMENT-BODY:Look how great I am, I don't even need specialty books or a padded mat to help me affect positive change in my life. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:8:16 PM COMMENT-BODY:I wrote I haiku, thought you might like it,

no oral for you!
have to wait a few more days,
no way i'm doing that! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 1:17:00 AM ----- BODY: Well, I almost missed the bus again, i only have a few short minutes to tell you of what is new. i made four pipes today. they range from the ultra crappy, to kinda cool. Lots of marbles as well. Did some tests with the new colours i got, and already have found a few that i am going to need much more of. Like periwinkle. things are no longer shattering as often. I think i only had one thing explode all day. However a piece of that molten glass managed to land on my shirt, burn through it, and then stick to my skin burning it all the while. needless to say, i will be back here tomorrow to get right back into it. for now, i will go home and i will sleep. No time to spell check! the bus! Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:31:00 PM ----- BODY: You know, up until yesterday every day of this new year had simply been getting better than the last. I have been feeling better than i have in years. Today had enough bad news to bring it all to an affirmed end however. It is not that important in the grand scheme of things, but one of those missed opportunities that hangs heavy on you for your own lack of insight. Style, or pause. I made my first glass pipe. It works too. Nothing pretty perhaps, but it has all the needed parts, shot gun, bowl, mouth piece. Got me stoned, what more could you demand? I have been writing a fair bit at home, as there is little else to do. Advance Wars, Magma, Joanna, sitting under the bed writing about things i see and hear. It is getting to be of a size that i am starting to think it may be worth my while to port it over on a floppy disk, to archive if for nothing else. I hate losing my writing, for what ever reason, it is not as if i go back and read it over and over again. I hardly take the time to read it over before i post it the first time. The anticipation is the best part. The part right before, because once you smoke it, it is gone and you will have to wait until it is time to smoke some more. I read in an interview that the album Ys was written to chronicle a year in Joanna's life. She said she did not want to explain the album, but rather just let it stand on its own for us to figure out. this morning sitting in my towel i think i finally understand why she wrote the album. It snapped me in half, i will not try to hide it. Anyways, i burnt my hand, but i really should get back to it. i will have to head home sooner. Sean Was written before i missed the last bus. Is being written after i have missed the bus. I went back and edited it. Only a little. But then you know, i am not fooled. I realize that i messed up, and worse i was realizing i was messing up, i just kept trudging along like some child with OCD chewing on his door frame. Knowing what i was doing was wrong, but compelled none the less. I do not care if you forgive me. You wanted some one who was not going to be superficial, some one to talk to. You wanted some one who was willing to meet you at a bus stop at midnight. You wanted some one who had their head outside of the laws involved with attraction. I do not care if you forgive me. i have made enough mistakes to keep things in perspective. I have always been good at keeping things in perspective. Knowing when i have it good. I do not care if you forgive me. And say sorry for flirting with me before. I made another pipe tonight, with colour on the outside. It shattered just as i was putting the finishing touches on the shotgun. I knew blind rage for a split second. Normally this would not happen. I have been having trouble keep things in perspective these last three days. I finally understand my favorite album! I get it! It made me cry! I do not think i have broken down and wept since Charles Schultz died. I was listening to the album, it was my least favorite of the five songs, and i just listened to what she was saying and it all became clear. Everything else she had been singing about had centered around this one thing i had been missing. It all makes sense, and it broke my heart. But I am not going to tell you. You have to listen for yourself. Russel has said he will give Sean a ride home so he does not have to sleep on the couch in the gallery. I stopped working the first time because i was too tired. Then i went back. It is two in the morning, i am in no position to be staying up all night. Though it is funny that the one day i am almost forced to spend the night is the one night i have my volcano, my ds, my ipod, and a pomegranate. Things did not work out so sweet. I wish now that we had gone dancing. I can dance. The pipe, it was so close to being done. I will save what did not break until the future. In the future i will have the skills to pay the bills and perhaps will be able to salvage the pipe from an otherwise broken existence. I can see a sherlock or something of a similar nature in its future. Today i did some things that i had not yet been successful with. I made a bowl for a two litre bucket hooter. I was going to make some glass blades, but then the bitch hurt my feelings. I burnt my hand. The skin is already doing the, i am going to fall off, thing. At least it did not crack this time. I made some replacement buttons for my favorite jackets. I am thinking about doing some really fancy ones and replacing all the buttons. It is just tricky getting them thin enough. Having tweezers makes life possible. If you ever decide to order lamp working supplies order some fucking tweezers. The ones at the super store are not good enough. Get at least five. And maybe an egg timer. Our hell is a good life. I am torn for the first time in ages. So long have my emotions sat on the fence, leaning only slightly in the chaotic winds whipping around me. Yet for the last three days it has been like i am menstruating or something. I am interested to see how this all pans out. When it finally pans out. Our hell is a great life. Sean Why the sad face? Life is beautiful. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:06:00 AM ----- BODY: Twas the nineteenth of December And i stayed up all night making things of glass for the people i knew. I decided to take a break and smoke a joint after having a small bit of molten glass explode to the back of my throat. I am not sure if i spat it out, but i guess i will find out shortly enough. Lee drank all my egg nog, which leaves me nogless. I still have an apple pear, a green pepper, and a half tin of nuts left as rations for the rest of the night. Counting the joint between my lips, i have four. When you are sitting at home eating pasta with tomato sauce, it can be hard to remember why i am spending so much money on glass. But when there behind the fire and a perfect orb of glass expands in front of me, it all comes back. i think back to building things with Lego. i think of all the things i will be able to make with this molten medium. Joanna Newsom has a new album Y's. I suggest you try to listen to it as soon as possible. Some people will find it against their liking, as Lee (the one who drank my eggnog) has proclaimed time and time again. There are only five song, but it is an hour long, leaving you with songs ten to fifteen minutes long. They are like fairy tales. And the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee. She rarely repeats herself, so it has added weight when she does. She has a strange sort of accent where she just bends what ever word she needs until it rhymes. It is like having to tell your best friend that you have let them down, the one time it really mattered. Knowing you killed, hands bloody when you could have saved those same lives. Like remembering the day after. Waking up every morning a cancer. Toothless, mumbling on the corner. Coming back to Saskatoon! Sean Did you hear that, Bear? Said monkey We'll get out of here, fair and square They've left the gate open wide! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Miss Divine COMMENT-DATE:3:12 AM COMMENT-BODY:Hi there!
Interesting writings, and oh so many! I'll read most of them pretty soon.
Why don't you put some pics of your glass work, here or on some other blog?

cheers! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:4:38 AM COMMENT-BODY:A dear friend sent me that new Joanna Newsom album, and I adore it. Truly.

How's things? -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 11:43:00 PM ----- BODY: *Saved as a draft instead of posted, now posted* Thirteen minutes until the next bus, thirteen minutes until! I will sit around and twiddle my thumbs, while i write a rhyme that is kind of ho hum, there is only thirteen minutes until! Well i burnt most of the hair off one of my hands, but i managed to get my little glass tree done for the opening tomorrow. It is kind of a an odd job, as i just took all the pendants that I have been making up until today and kind of chained them to this glass tree. I was thinking that i would just make a rack to hold the pendants, then a tree to hold the pendants, and now the pendants are part of the tree. Evolution! I think i like how it turned out, but i am not sure. (*I really like how it turned out.) I would also like to buy some marijuana. I have not bought any in a very very long time. I still manage to get stoned almost every day, as between the people i work with and the people drifting through the gallery some one always seem to have something on the go. I keep thinking that this glass hobby of mine is an insane expense. Almost a hundred dollars just to refill the gas tanks, and i will be out again in two weeks. I need to work out a better deal with some oxygen supplier. The rods of glass are not cheap either, and i am a way away from being able to sell anything. I still eat, though not much. I never go to the bar, i rarely eat out. I would say i am more, 'good with money' than 'cheap' but i am not sure if i am the one who gets to make the distinction. *Written today! the day i posted. A cat broke my glass tree. I laughed it off, as i knew it would be the ultimate fate for such a creation. Gave away most of the pendants, and may decide to repair it one day. I had a dream the other night. I was way in back before the turn of the last century, being thrown into prison for reasons of one or another. I had my wrists bound and was hung on the wall like a piece of modern art, whilst all around me were men suffering the same fate. Some appeared to have been hanging for many years. I thought of hanging there day after day, as slowly my bodies own weight would rip itself apart. I awoke in a panic, terror and dread coursing through me, a new found fear of being incarcerated clutching tightly at my heart. I caught my breath, relaxed and let myself slip back into sleep. But now i think, Why do i have no similar fear of hell? It has only been thirteen years since i attended Catholic school, perhaps my agnostic thinking has finally purged the last few god fearing thoughts from my head. It does seem rather silly to me that an all seeing all knowing entity would be annoyed that i was copulating before attaching a band of metal to my hand. Why did you give me freedom if you did not want me to use it? So i sin, so i sin, so i sin. If it really did come down to it in the end i would say my being suffers from just over half of the seven deadlies. Lust, Avarice, Sloth, and of course Hubris, (impossible to escape if you suffer from even one of the others.) Wrath might also need to be added to the list, but i will let the heavens decide. My lust, i am unapologetic. My greed, i regret. My sloth, i loath, it is a weakness that speaks to more than sin and the thing i would change first about myself. What you do not think i am lazy? I am hell of lazy. I have not even got my business of the ground yet. It has been a year! Still though, it is only in looking back that i can see the places that i could have cut corners. It is the snooze alarm, it is the tomorrow it will be done, it is the dishes in the sink. It is I, the sloth. Two toed. I think i can take the "non-drinker" sticker off of my name card, as every chance i have to get loaded at work i do. The hotel buys some of the finest Champagne, and once they start speeches we have to clear the room, dooming the poor carbonated liquid to the drain. Which is where i try to come in. It does not always fail, and I am not always found out. Mostly i give myself up, as i am inebriated and do not know any better. Though the wrong people have yet to find out, and even intoxicated i still perform with in the bounds of reasonable conduct. Which speaks volumes more of my fellow employees than it does of me. So i guess this could count as my coming out... or coming back rather. Back to booze. Not that i will dive in, or even allow my head under the currents, but it does not seem correct to say i abstain. You know, thinking back to my own history, i believe it was salvia that ended my days in the first place. I remember in the back seat of that broken down car with the bucket hooter between my legs and coming back to my own mind wishing that i had been better able to keep on the straight and narrow. Wishing that i had not taken that first step, but low i tumbled down that rocky slope, and have not been the same since. Salvorin A, the key chemical in Salvia Divinorum, the plant that changed my life more than person place or thing could have ever hoped to change me. From such a height, who knew how far the bottom would be. And still it calls to me. The worst, the profound, the earth shaking mind splitting plant, still calls to me. I have done it more than most, but have not enjoyed it as the few and far between have. Though I am incline to see my bad experiences as learning experiences, it is not anything i would ever call fun. It gives me flash backs, it shows me aspects of my mind i did not realize were possible, it is the end, and unknowable. Still I think I want to give her another round. Ninth times the charm! Okay, Sean will one day change his name to Uehen When you punish a person for dreaming his dreams, do not expect them to thank or forgive you. The best ever death metal band out of Danton, with in time both out pace and out live you. Hail Satan. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 1:17:00 AM ----- BODY: One o eight! How did it get to be one oh eight? Well i have only one more chance to catch a bus home, and i am almost out of o2 and propane so staying here all night is not all that practical an idea. Really the morning bus routs are only five hours away, but i do not want to run out of fuel in an hour only to be left to sleep on the back seat of the van that happens to be sitting in the basement. It is nice to know i have options though. Options are nice. Did i tell you that Tyler and Cody came to visit me? You should come visit me too! I can make you a pendant for your necklace. Though i have no string of my own. I should work on that. And getting a second o2 and propane tank. Running out sucks. You are just getting into the rhyme and rhyme ( yes two, now three rhymes,) when the glass kind of stops melting, and then the flame gets a little bushy, and then it just blows itself out. You look down in dismay from behind your welding goggles and realize you have to spend another hundred dollars on something else before you can even get started again. Snags, oh there are snags. It is a god damn forest out here and i am in silk and high heals. Well i really should go stand outside for the bus. Sometimes they are early and this is the last one after all. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 12:05:00 AM ----- BODY: Before the bus gets here, so I just thought I would let you all know how I am doing. I cannot get into Hotmail, or on to MSN. I am not wholly sure what the problem is, but it seems to be something to do with permission certificates and windows being a whore. I am making progress with glass. My marbles have fewer bubbles with each attempt, and my pendants are getting increasingly more intricate. I have started working with hallow forms, and should be on to things more practical shortly enough. I have been writing on the laptop at my house instead of here, mainly because i would rather be working with glass when i am here and there is nothing else to do at my current bed location. When one comes to work with the intent of wasting glass, it is amazing how much glass you can really waste. I try not to think about how each of the twenty odd rods i used today cost me almost five dollars each. Plus gas. Still though i made some pretty pendants, and got a lot better with my coils. I even managed to blow a blue coil into the inside of a clear coil making it all pretty and filled with bubbles. I have to run. Sean Twenty more minutes. I managed to run out to the bus on time, only to find i forgot my wallet back at the studio. The bus driver was nice enough to just let me on with out it, but i turned him down as I would have no way back here tomorrow with out it. So i have another twenty minutes to write something with! I put the pro in procrastination. I had to take it out of professional. See the whole thing was a con; but I used it for a new start, so this is my confessional. get it? incorrect use of a semi colon. For once i managed to make it across the street to the privately owned grocery store before it closed and after i was hungry. Two things that have been narrowly missing each other for the last week or so. It left me with microwave popcorn, chef boyardee, and a chocolate bar that had the white crap chocolate gets when it has been sitting above room temperature for a while. Still it cured the hungry part of me so i could better focus on glass, and less on my own withering form. I made a really big marble today. I am excited to see what it will look like tomorrow. So long as it has not cracked. Sometimes they crack. Well i am going to take off, have another sleep in tomorrow and come back to waste some more glass. What a life. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 11:44:00 AM ----- BODY: So after hardly a week the o2 ran out. It did not last nearly as long as i had hoped, but now thanks to mr.credit card i have a tank three times the size of it, so it should last a little longer. It came with a call at eight this morning informing me that the delivery fellow was waiting for me at the gallery. What kind of delivery guy is working at eight in the morning? Coffee from seven eleven and an apple marked my breakfast, but i found myself down town in due time. I had trouble moving the smaller empty o2 canister and this newer bigger tank has no handles to grasp onto. Mobility is an issue, but there are helping hands. So i am on the other side of well rested. and the ventilation is still not up. so i grumble grumble. I keep saying i will do it myself, which is answered with mumblings and moving on to other subjects. I know how to use a drill, and i looked up how it is all done on wikihow.com I am already starving, must i suffocate for my art as well? the hotel has been rather busy lately, and every one seems more than happy to make sure i get all of my hours. It has come away from the mass engagements involving thirty staff and broken down into smaller two or three staff events. i have even had to run a few rooms on my own, which is a nice enough change of pace, but there are fewer people to blame when things go wrong. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:33:00 PM ----- BODY: Uggghed. Chest pains make life hard. I spent last night on the ninth floor of the Fort Garry hotel. It was pretty nice, I even managed to get room service to bring me breakfast. I only wish it had been under less strenuous circumstances, as I worked ten hours, and then had only seven hours before I was to be back working again so they gave me the room to nap in. It took me two and a half hours to fall asleep, but I did manage to use both towels and all the little soaps supplied. I figured they would have known it was me if I took the bathrobe home. Something smells funny around here and I am not convinced that it is not me. On further inspection, it is the garbage. I live with three males in their twenties, and once again I find there is carpet in my kitchen. Not to call these boys slobs, but it should not take me to explain to you what spills can happen in a kitchen, and what evils lurk in the carpets. We also have to use a screw driver to turn on and off the hot water for the shower, so I am poised to start bathing solely at work. Even on days off. It has five shower heads and gets hot enough to remove skin for as long as you dare to let it scald you. House keeping even supplies me with fresh soft towel every time. My three marbles came out in a rather pleasing fashion. One one of them is a perfectly round shape, the other two are acceptable considering I am still with out my tweezers. Not having tweezers means I have to use other pieces of glass to hold the glass, so bits of the glass end up melting onto the marble making an imperfection. It is not an impossible situation, just a difficult one. It is raining out side, so wondering around to look for suitable tweezers is an idea I am not keen on. The Gallery is not open for some reason, which means there is no one to show people the wood cuts and paintings and no one to let the electrician in to wire the power for downstairs. This means that the fans will not spin and I will slowly suffocate if I try to work for any length of time. I did not notice how stale the air had gotten last time until I stopped and came back to it after a few minutes. Propane burns cleanly enough, it is true but the flame takes the oxygen out of the air rather quickly, and a small basement window will not replace the air quickly enough with out the spinning fans. If I go home I will put my bed together and realize that it is still only six or seven, and have nothing else to do. So I write this! Still these marbles are hell of sweet. So far they cost me two grand each to make, plus labor. The poppy red is indeed very red. Most lampworkers 'dilute' their colours with clear glass so that they do not use as much of it when laying it down. I too plan on employing this trick, as colour is expensive, but when you just lay it on it can come out oh so very brightly. Though, marbles are not all to practical. I have not played a game of marbles since grade three or four. I remember losing when I did. It would not be oh so hard to attach a loop for putting a string through affectively turning them into pendants. But I kind of want to save them and attach them to a bong. I am only starting to feel the frustration from lack of talent. So many ideas, so little ability. I also need some smaller tube. I have two sizes, big, and bigger. This makes making a good deal of smaller things difficult. I cannot make you a bowl for your bong, nor can I make you a marble with your name in it... well maybe I could but it would be a trial just getting the tube down to the right size. incasing colour in clear glass is also made more difficult for this lack of small tube. Hmmm... I could also use a PBF glove... I think next on the list is some new buttons for my jacket. I lost another one at some point between now and the last time I did it up. On that note, it is not going to get any warmer out tonight and I do have to put my bed together at some point. Uehen Sean Imposter -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:33:00 PM ----- BODY: I was sorting through the pile in my room when I came across my fathers old laptop. It is a 166mhz with no USB ports, and no Ethernet connection so it is basically a POS. It does however have a word processing program on it, (and a bunch of my home work from grade twelve,) but I soon found myself writing a post of almost a page in length. Little good will it do you though, with nothing but a floppy drive to get anything off of it. I have no 3.5's and am not likely to go out of my way to get one. On the other hand, I did just spend the last three hours making marbles. I managed to break the tip of my reamer off inside one, turn one into dust, and combine two to become one. I also managed to take one that snapped clean in half and put it back together. They are all sitting in the kiln cooling down now. At least I think that is what they are doing. The kiln only has three buttons on it, so the user interface is a little confusing. I am pretty sure I told it to cool down, but I guess I will find out in a few more minutes. At some point between A, B, and C my tweezers went missing. This made me sad, because as much as I want to touch the white hot glass it is not something I can do. And you would be surprised how often you need something like tweezers for say, picking a glowing ball of glass from the floor, or pulling on something to make it connect to something else. They do the things your fingers cannot do lest you enjoy third degree burns. My understanding of the way glass works is already starting to expand, which is good. I am wasting much glass in the process, which is bad. But also inevitable. The more I play with it the more ideas I get about what I want to do when I have some talent, which is a ways away yet. But one day... One day... Ugh. Too many dayquils. I need to go home and sleep. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 11:27:00 PM ----- BODY: Woooooo... yeah! So I got the torch up and running and made some marbles. I did not want to do anything big because there is still no power in my room for some reason, so I could not turn the kiln on to cook anything. When the artists get hungry, they eat eachother. Yeah. Another thing I learned today is artists hate eachother. Everything is fine so long as they do not see eachothers work, or do not tell stories about money they made selling their love. There is this guy Christian Worthington who had his work up at the gallery opening. He has been catching a lot of flak lately because he made five grand. I think he is awesome, but every one else seems to think he is a sell out. Some people hate him because he has a sports car, some people hate him because he paints jesus'ish paintings, some people hate him because he never finished school. I think it is awesome that he does not have to work at a gas station. I fully intend on selling out. I want to sell every last scrap of glass I get my dirty finger print on. I feel like I may be getting ill. Time for bed. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:12:01 AM COMMENT-BODY:I will be in Saskatown on the 20th of december until the 29th of december.

remember! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 11:14:00 PM ----- BODY: My pants do not fit me very well. can you tell? it has me walking funny, but my jacket is long and I try not to let on that if undone, both the moon and the sun would be showing take long strides and hope the passer bys do not notice how it is bunching up around my ankles You know it took a French man to spell it out for me. I am within stabbing distance of my dream. I am with in grasp of what I want to do with my life. This is what I want to do with my life right? I mean, I cannot think of something I would rather be doing. I want to get a degree in philosophy, but that comes after I have money and need to prove to people that I have not let it get to me. Fear of success is the only thing holding me back now. That and I need to get five hundred pounds of kiln down some stairs. Then I can get to work and start developing some uber skills. Being naturally talented at things will only get a person so far after all, and it could be another year before I make even a dime doing this. I hope not, but planning to be magically successful seems ill. The Unicorns are no more, but never fear the Islands are here. If you have any fondness for their former name I suggest you look into the new venture. I have found a new place to live. I went to look at two places today, the first being very roomy and such but rather expensive and in the far south with a creepy sixty year old man. The second, and the one I will be moving into is occupied by three males aged twenty three to twenty eight. The rent is as minimal as the available space, but they got bonus points for having Settlers of Catan out on the coffee table. The wall was lined with jagermeister bottles, and I will have to find a way to fit all I own into a single room but these are things I can bare. I am finding out that I have a strange fondness for pan flutes. Tastes like kittens. Going to art openings seems to be my new to do. The last one had pomegranate and try as I did, eaves dropping on as many conversations as I was able, I could not find a single socialite discussing survivor or lost. I am sure at least half of them still partook in the repugnant past time, but at least they kept it in the closet. You can stand around talking with strangers while getting drunk for three dollars a beer with out ever having to suggest a thing about the work on the wall. But if you do just make sure you are not talking to the exhibiting artist before calling it crass. Some people have no sense of humor. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 12:19:00 AM ----- BODY: I am not tired, I am not horny, this episode of south park is going to take another life time to down load. I have painted myself into a corner, there is no body home, and I am running low on paint. Am I at the point now where I am starting to panic. This could be one of those late night change your life or go crazy situations. I am just feeling blind hands out hoping for a place or space to fall. Low on fuel and orbits. ahgghg!!!! Aghhh!! Agggggggggh!! Aghhhh!!! *falls to the ground* I do(nnot) really want to scream. There are children sleeping. maybe I could go outside. But then I would have to put pants on. Remember me? The curly haired kid from Saskatoon who moved to Winnipeg with aspirations of working with glass? Well I have run into a few snags. Or maybe even a hundred. I stopped counting. After months of set backs I finally have my torch, and kiln, and glass, and even a space to set it up. But now another cruel twist has me with no place to live. Working is hard and leaves me with so little. Winter here is cold, and I realize that I cannot just teach myself how to work with glass. The few teachers that were here have now all moved away. I am almost at my wits end and have had too much caffeine and still cannot sleep. To float, oh float, capsized in my boat, on the remote chance, you would sail by and offer a smile. In arms long in reach, to pull me out of the cold, to teach, I beseech, for a niche in your hair, snuggled up tight, I have not written anything decent in so long. I watch and feel helpless, limp. nothing to add to this world around me, no insight to share, I try to remember what, or who I was writing for. back when I thought something of it. what used to inspire my words. I do not want to complain. It always sounds retarded. cry about the past and fear the future! the world makes me sick when I think of it, so I have been cutting it out of my life. It is hard to remember my moral high grounds, why it is better to be here than where I am needed. Or where I need. elevated It started so long ago, when watching television. I was not satisfied with it, so I left. Then the city too felt so flat and bland. Then food. I remember eating a chocolate bar and thinking how it brought me no joy, no satisfaction. My ribs are starting to show. Even my tea now tastes like nothing. I went all of today with out feeling hungry, but eventually made myself eat something. nachos and cheese. I have not smoked anything in so long, but feel stoned all the time. drummed out dull, and dimming. my chest pains ran the course, and left. Normally that would give me a few months before they would return to cripple me once again, but they are already back constricting my breathing. If it is stress related as the doctor suggests why do antacid make it feel better? Enough! Sean We dug up the wrong body we were so excited no one checked the name when we finally got down to it she just was not the same who is it now, who is this the ring on her finger fits on my pinkie we took a few pictures made it look like she was crawling from the grave -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 6:42:00 PM ----- BODY: When do our desires end and addictions begin. just try not opening that can of diet coke. I walk around as if I am about to fall over sometimes. You know, leaning over to the side from the hips and swing my arms around to keep myself up as I am walking. The results are mixed. Smacking into walls, cabinets, door frames and even falling completely over and to the ground. I try to keep on my toes for the most part. You know. To keep it interesting. Sometimes. Streetlight Manifesto is coming to Winnipeg. And saskatoon. So if you like ska, or if you just like to dance like an idiot, you should get yourself a ticket and go, go, go. I know I yam. So back a while ago, I cannot remember how many years, I got a birthday card with this little potato looking thing on the front, only it had eyes, arms, legs and had a speech bubble saying, "aren't you sick of all the cheese puns they put on birthday cards?" then you open the card and it says, "I know I Yam." It was not a potato after all. It was a yam. And since then, when ever I might have said, I know I am, I now say yam. Funny how some things stick with you over the years. like glue or epoxy. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 8:51:00 AM ----- BODY: And how this all got started. I realize now how much work there is a head of me now. With half the debt payed down it is time to really get things moving along. I am already in way over my head, but these weighted boots and lead belt will not hold me under. It is time to get hard as fuck, not pussy out. Grrr.... ahh yeah. I saw a billboard on my way home. Ugly Betty, i believe it was for. A new tv show that is playing on some cable channel they were also advertizing. I looked at the picture of her braced face and glasses, and thought, I would do her. Ugly Betty? She is not fat, she does not have an abnormally shaped nose, she is not covered in acne. She is a pretty girl they gave braces and glasses, and will likely say all the right things just before each chortling of canned laughter. You can get canned laughter but you cannot get weeping preserves. And some one needs to develop a system that would tell me the New Pornographers are in town before the day after they left. How can I be expected to know whats going on while maintaing my anti social detachmentism. I need a unified internet site that would hub all venues, all bands, and all of everything. I need a system that i can tell what i like, and that will tell me when it is here. Or maybe before it gets here so i can get presale. Sometimes i wish it was me. Fridays opening of the gallery really caught me off guard. Perhaps everyone was caught a little off guard. With as many acts, in the three buildings, and every one involved in the, "I am kind of new to this," level of experaince, nothing really went wrong. And there is much to be said for that. There was lots of room for things to go wrong, and i am sure that it would have taken just one person to lose their head, or patiants, or wallet or something. It is not that i did not have faith, I believe this project is going to rock the casbar, but it just went perfectly. The Fire Pixies were unbelieveable, I had seen some fire dancing before but not like this. Most of the fire dancing i had seen was some one with a stick on fire jumping around. This had eight people with sticks on fire jumping around to the beat of the drum kit. Wonderfully coryographed, and all volenteer. Christian Worthington went almost the whole night before i relized it was he who painted these works on the wall. He looked too young to be painting so many pictures of jesus in pain. he himself looks a bit like the traditional white jesus himself. I liked his work muchly, but even if it did not cost five grand to aquire one of these paintings of his, i doubt i would hang it in my house. Not every one felt the same way though, and he did sell at least one that i know of. A good chunk of my time was spent handing out welcome sheets to any one who came through the door, so i did not get to see everything that was going on, but the musical acts i did catch were pretty sweet. A little old asian woman playing massive drums and singing was but one of the highlights. Every one seemed excited to hear i play with glass. Too excited. I tried to make it as clear as i could that i really do not know what i am doing, and they should not expect me to be able to teach them how to blow glass for a good long while. Every one has this idea that if you do something like this that you must be good at it, which is unfortunate and untrue. I put the hack in poser. i did 'extasy' at a party last night... or this morning rather. Amy knew right away. She is in many way the mom in my life, i feel i let her down in the way that makes me feel pretty sick. What is worth? Did i have fun? Make new friends? Try something new? yes. but would i have it all taken back to take that hint of accusation out of her eye? i likely would. I have had fun at raves with out drugs before, i could have done it now. But such is life. I think working midnights for my short while at the gas station has given me a better understanding of time. It seems like i am better able to enjoy sitting on the bus, or wait for the come around of some things. it could be coming from the understanding of how days pass. I am better able to break down the hours, and how the cycles relate to when i want to be asleep as aposed to when i can be asleep.  Sometimes i think about what Winnipeg would look like if all the houses and roads were gone, and just lawns and trees. sometimes i cannot think at all. heh heh. there was left over fruit platter that made it back to Amys house, and the kids took it apart and hid the fruit all around the living room. enough! Sean -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:9:15 AM COMMENT-BODY:You should come home and visit more, reading your storys isnt the same as hearing them frmo you in person. I always thought soewhere I might hate you but I dont I almost miss you, well he crys I must go. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 7:04:00 AM ----- BODY: Tonight, and this morning, (would that make it last night?) I learned a few things. Any rave that you have to climb to the third story via the fire escape is a good rave. Dancing in dress shoes is a bad idea. Art openings are filled with pretty girls who know how to get into raves. the opening was a huge success, nothing (that I noticed or was informed of) went wrong. Fire Dancers, belly dancers, a few bands, a solo act or two, short films, chips dip and cheap beer made sure that every one was entertained. Amy is still asleep on the floor, even as I type this now. and a fat girl kissed me while I was trying to dance. so I suppose there were some casualties. Some one said that Winnipeg reminded them of Berlin with the volume turned down. I am going to go to bed before the kids wake up. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:47:00 PM ----- BODY: Burrrrr ninja. I am craft cold work. Got to work twelve hours today at the hotel, and next week has me lined up to look like the same thing next week. Work at the hotel is pretty fun for the most part. It allows me to eat large volumes of pineapple. I had a pretty long conversation with another devotee of the heavens nectar we call pineapple. Seems that there are more believers than I once thought possible. Tomorrow finally is get the hoses day. I was hoping to be off before five today, but was not off until nine. Stifling my ability to purchase. So tomorrow! I will get it. And perhaps propane... My studio is filled with doors. The care taker fellow has already spoken to me about it, So they should be gone soon. To where is the question. I swept up two (five gallon) pails of dust n' crap off from the floor. Off of the section of floor that was not covered by doors. I am going to have to paint it. it is all concrete though, even the roof. Though, there is a urinal directly in the middle of my space. It stands like a monolith, a constant reminder that I am working in what was once a bathroom. They knocked the walls down, so the space is larger than the bathroom was, but this obelisk remains unchanged, even after the old walls and floor have been removed. It does not work. But I think I might have it painted. tomorrow is the opening, the whole world is invite to come six eleven main street, starts around seven but I would try for around nine. A very exciting time, and the exclamation mark of everything Amy has been working so hard for (its in Winnipeg, suckas!) been listening to a little too much public enemy. and not enough beck. Ponies! Do painters always paint. always. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:08:00 PM ----- BODY: I feel like I have run out of things to say. I could worry about north Korea, or I could complain about the third x men movie, but it feels as if I would just be repeating myself. And I hate repeating myself. So I avoid it (with varying degrees of success,) in thought, writing and day to day affairs. and I perhaps stop thinking about some things prematurely, and allow myself to get stuck in these half baked opinion, and preconcluded ideals. When I look at the news, I do not read anything out of America anymore, nor do I read what other countries have to say about America... unless it is Hugo calling Mr.Bush Satan, ahh haha ha. Yeah. that was awesome... but most of the time I just avoid it knowing I will only be annoyed by what I read. But I think I have spent enough time on this. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:49:00 AM ----- BODY: I am now wholly sure what to say, It might be a little early in to be writing, but there is little else to do at four am. Truth: I had foreseen clouds around this situation from the start, butIi dismissed them as standard aches and pains, betting that the odds would all play out in the end. So word got around that I needed a place to live, I was sitting in the staff room eating when our antagonist came and sat at my table. I was the only one in the room, so it was not to surprising, but what was more of a shock was that he came with gifts. A place to stay, enough to eat, some place safe and dry, and it is only just down the street. The price was right, I came on down, I looked it over and we sat down. I said to live here would be simply grand, so I rallied my resources and came up with a plan. I could not move in for a month and a bit as his room mate would only be leaving at this time. So I came to live with my only remaining friend I have here in Winnipeg for the next month. Then yesterday was the twenty seventh, and I find out that I am no longer able to move in. His room mate is not leaving, and I have no place to live. I called the land lord of the place on the twenty fourth, and she informed me that his roommate had resigned the lease. I called our antagonist and he was wishie washy, he said that he did not know what was going on, and that he would call me when he discovered what there was to be. I called him two days later, trying again to discover my fate, only to be once again meet with a "I do not know what is going on," kind of answer. Then I get to work, and three different people inform me, in three different ways, that this situation, is only news to me. That the roommate had long known that this situation was coming to a head, and that I was the only one left in the dark. So I called him on it, infront of as many people as possible, in my usual calm lets get things out in the open kind of way. He did not apologize, instead he got angry and threaten that I should, "shut my mouth or I he would shut if for me." He claimed that he only knew of this situation recently, and that he told me as soon as he knew, which could not be the case as he never gave me a straight answer on anything. His landlord was the one that ended up telling me. I must admit I was a little perplexed by his lack of empathy on the situation, things being as they were it was I who should have been the one getting angry and yelling. Instead I just called him a liar, I told him that I thought he knew the situation, and was merely keeping me on the side lines as a back up plan encase things fell through with his current room mate. So the moral of the story is, I do not really have a place to live, and you cannot count on your fellow Irishman. the destroyer -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:43:00 AM ----- BODY: It was almost eight in the morning before I was finally too tired to play any more Starcraft. Ich, the monitor is really bright. I had been planning on having a lazy lay around and do nothing kind of day, and I suppose I was successful in that endeavor, save the fact I was unconscious for the whole of it. I woke up about a half hour ago and it is now two forty in the next morning, Monday. I think I will quit my gas job. They have more than full time hours for every one at the hotel now, and they lay every one off in January, so the timing would be perfect for a nice Ei holiday. It is what I should have done after tree planting. Oh well. After thirty two hours awake an eighteen hour nap leaves me feeling kind of messed up. There that is better. Okay, the problem facing me at this moment is that I am wide awake at three in the morning. I will likely make tea soon as well... but, as fun as it is to beat starfox command over and over again to unlock all nine endings is getting a little tiresome. The first time it was damn difficult, you have to use the touch screen to "pilot" your ship, everything from speed, movement, bombs, and special moves are all done on the touch screen. To fire, you can press any other buttons (except the start button which pauses it) this allows you to hold the damn thing how ever you want in either hand so you can always reach the attack commands. Which is nice, but I have beat it six times and the endings have been slightly amusing, but it has gotten a little to easy. See Here. Starcraft is on the computer in the sun room off of Amy's bedroom. I also have some music on it, which included the new Bob Dylan. I have only gotten to listen to him once... and I was playing starcaft at the time. Enough of this I have a class to teach. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:27:00 AM ----- BODY: Well let me first start where I am, firmly rooted in the good ol vibe of self indulgence. Secondly, let me tell you where I have been. At work. I have been awake now for twenty eight and a half hours, so I decided I would come and write about it. I woke up last night around midnight, and stayed up until now, four thirty in the morning the next day. I just got off a ten hour shift, but I drank a fair amount of caffeine so I should be good to go for a little while longer. I do not work until Monday night, so I have a whole day tomorrow to lay around and listen to my records. I got some clinic, beatles, cat stevens, specials, and elliot smith. did I get bowie? nah I think I put him back... So tonight's feast was by far the most extravagant I have yet served. I thought I had seen some fancy shit before tonight, but tonight made me realize I had not seen shit. So first imagine you are in a huge ball room, six massive chandeliers hand from the roof, painted gold, yellow, white, light brown, the walls have carvings around the top off them. Of animals. And huge hanging blinds over the two story tall windows which look down upon Winnipeg. Now the room has a full service bar, twenty two tables with ten people at each, all covered in in crisp linen, shiny heavy forks and knives, 24 oz wine glasses, a rose and apple center piece (which I will come back to later) and a menu which I will now tell you about. It was not extraordinary, that they went for a full four course meal, soup, salad, chicken or beef or vegan, then baked Alaska for desert. The meal is usually where most weddings go all in. Sometimes people have to much money. Sometimes on the table they chose to place a menu list, that tells what will be served in what order. Most of the time it is a simple sheet of paper, fancy font, maybe folded in half to stand up. some times they do not have them at all. tonight's menu set to sit on each and every one of the twenty two tables is something, well, let me try to describe it (I took one home with me.) There is a piece of golden foil cardboard which has been folded in half, on the front of it a brown piece of paper has been glued, then to that a silver piece of paper is glued then it gets a little complicated. What looks like a tea leaf with intricate and very realistic veins is glued just above the center, but it is made of golden foil. A clear piece of plastic is laying over the whole front surface, and it is on this clear plastic that the menu is written in golden fancy font. The piece of clear plastic is riveted onto the golden cardboard by four bronze looking but plastic rivets that match the colour of the brown paper between the gold and silver sheets. on the back of this foiled cardboard, a simpler story is told. It simply has the brown paper glued to the golden paper with silver paper glued to that. the silver paper has golden writing of the itinerary. Pass go collect two hundred dollars. The center pieces at weddings had always impressed me. Some three foot tall bong looking thing with flowers coming out the top of it and vines wrapping their way down, some floating candles on a fish bowl with roses under the water inside, giving it a large magnifying affect. I will no longer be so easily impressed. The center piece tonight had to be brought home using both arms in a struggle to steal it. I could not believe how heavy it all was, but we were sorta told we could take them, and even after will pillaged the best of them there was still a dozen left. So I am now proud to give Amy my kind and gracious host the craziest center piece I ever did see. It is about a foot and a half by a foot in a half and a foot tall at the center, sloping only slightly towards the edge, to give it a full rounded shape. Full white roses form a stunning cross, with real green apples interplaced among greenie white flowers to form the back ground. And it smells good. It does not perhaps sound that impressive to you. Well fuck you. It is fricken sweet. Sweet enough to make me hate them for paying almost a hundred dollars for each of them. For each table, three for the head table five for around the bar, and almost twenty five smaller versions were scattered all over the room. they had a laser light show. wedding. You would have had a better chance of surviving a tour during the Vietnam war, as you would of having you marriage survive. Bang Bang, got another one of em charlies. horses. they had chocolate's that looked like tea leaves and were filled with soft wonderful magic. I do not know what it is, but the pineapple we have at the hotel melt in your god damn mouth. It is coveted by near every staff member, and now one of the most tightly guarded food stuffs we deal with. Depending on whose in charge... It is on every fruit platter we serve, sometimes with as many as sixteen of the damn things. It comes with every chocolate fondue mountain. So it is there almost every damn night. I have been caught a fair few times testing my speed limit on disappearing a belly's worth of magical heaven. But they should know better than to leave it in the back room where the costumers cannot see you eating their lovely appetizer. We are rather spoilt, but we get more positive feed back than any other part of the hotel, and we make more than any other part. I just wish that every wedding DJ did not play the same songs every single weekend. Week after week. Does one not understand how ironic it is to play Simon and Garfunkes Cecilia at a wedding? Nothing more to report Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:00:00 AM ----- BODY: Twenty two days with the internet and I have posted once. Have I lost the will to speak, or the time. Both. Its both. People are funny. A fellow comes in and buys two one litre bottles of coke. It was the special, so he was going to get them both for only three dollars. On his way to the counter, he was intent on paying for them, when he dropped one and it hit the floor. He picked it up and sat the other on the counter to examine the fallen container. I advised him, "You may want to let that sit for a moment," to which I thought he murmured some sort of agreement, but he proceeded to open it right then and there. Now I do not likely need to explain what happens to a carbonated beverage that has been well shaken just before opening, but he got coke all over himself. The other bottle sat on the counter, undropped and unopen. I looked at him as you might expect one would look upon an helpless retard pawing at the television. I am a hermit! Monday I wake up around six or so, putter around drinking tea talking with Amy and her kids until it is time to go to work around eight forty five, I get to work at ten fifteen, fifteen minutes late every day, but the way the bus run it is that or I am an hour early. I stay at work until eight in the morning, and the bus gets me home just after nine. I sip tea and chat with Amy until ten ish, when I go to bed. I will wake up any time between six and eight and I will repeat this until Thursday. Thursday until Sunday is a little bit of a toss up, as I will likely work three of the days at the hotel, and have a day off. This week I have Friday off, which is nice because it allows me to take advantage of the music stores, and the tea store all in the same day. I plan on getting a tea pot tomorrow. Then it is Monday again and I do it all over again. Brickish. (It is morning the next day now) I live in a constant fear of going blind. If I so much as touch my eye, or even around it, I will likely spend the next day and a half in a constant state of fear. Why does my eye hurt, is that dryness normal, should it feel like this when I blink? And so on. Yeah I am really reaching here. the baby sister offered to make chicken noodle soup, which I accepted. An hour and a half later I decided I would just leave get something to eat after I got my new tea pot. After changing shirts (its a little chilly) I came upstairs to find it on its way to being made. So now I am here talking to myself infront of a computer when I should be waiting for a bus uptown. Every now and then I get these chest pains. It started sometime after I was in grade four. When I was living in New Brunswick I got sick and had to go to into the hospital, they had no idea what was going on with me, so I spent almost a month in isolation with out being able to walk. Then sometime after that I moved back to Saskabush and the pains started. It comes and goes, lasting for a month or so at a time, and then going away for four to six months. I had all kinds of testing done, from ulcer to cancer to bla bla bla. In the end, they still had no idea what was wrong with me. So I lived with it. Then when I was just out of highschool I went to the doctor over a worse than normal bout of the pains and he told me not to worry about it. Seems that it happens to men in their twenties, that when in a stressful situation they start to develop unexplainable chest pains. Seems strange that I started to develop a condition for twenty year olds when I was twelve, but such is life it seems... or you know, he was mistaken. Weirder still is milk seems to relieve the symptoms. The pains have been back now for almost two weeks, so I am hoping they will soon dissipate, and they are showing signs of lightening up, it just sucks to feel like your chest is in a vice. Where the hell does Campbells get off putting so much fucking salt in their soup? I wanted chicken noodle, not dead sea scroll. Well I best go get that tea pot. nothing else for now. deal! Sean -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:11:51 AM COMMENT-BODY:http://peterhcropes.blogspot.com/ -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:4:34 PM COMMENT-BODY:http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04022003 -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 9:04:00 AM ----- BODY: The last week has been a blur for the most part. I have a new job, (again) working at another gas station... Did I tell you this already? I work grave yard, which means time folds in on itself and everything looses meaning. The last three days especially, with moving, working, and more working, things have been a bit of a frazzle. threehours sleep after being awake for for a full day is enough to keep your eyes open, but not enough to maintain funtunal brain process. I fell asleep on the bus on my way home, and missed my stop... Though I think I should be okay now, I got fifteen hours sleep last night so I am well enough rested for the next grave robbing. I am living at Amy's now, in her beautiful house. Her kindness is truly boundless, and I am forever indebted to her for allowing me to stay here for this month. Though it is a little creepy. It is huge, hard wood floors, HDtv, xbox360, big windows, internet, and I am the only one here. They left for the cottage for the weeks end. So I wonder around the ultra quiet house trying not to touch the walls. The eyes on the painting.... they.... never mind. Up at four, ready for bed by eight, only fourteen hours before I get to sleep again has me feeling less than optimistic about tonight's shift. I think I have made it through all the reading material... brb gotta go to work. okay back. It is twelve hours later, or 8:36 in the morning. I should be tired, I was tired all of my shift. Until I had a red bull... I normally avid such things, but lately I have been trying my hand at riding the bomb. Mind you, my idea of gluttony is having sushi and subway in the same day. Though of late I have been getting by on a meal (north American standard issue) and helping of cereal (corn flakes) for the days food, a semi kind of fasting where I let myself be hungry for hours of the day in the hopes my ribs will start to show a little more. and I started smoking cigars, one or two a day for the better part of the last two weeks. I can hear the cat puking. I stopped doing yoga, and my body hates me. my boss at the new gas station is a good guy. The more I talk with him the more I respect him, not for the gas station part of him, but for the directly friendly business man he is. Working a gas station is made less painful for this, and the fact we get almost no costumers over the grave yard shift, which allows me to read all four news papers, and what ever else there is. I also hook my mp3 player up to the speakers. This location is also on the edge of suburbia, which means I sell one onehundreth as many loto tickets as I did when I was in the middle of the welfare district. Fewer cigarettes too. Every one keeps telling me they love my hair, I wish I knew how to do this back in highschool. I'd have had all the ladies... I am going to go get some corn flakes. Now bed. Uehen should sleep. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 7:02:00 PM ----- BODY: You can only spend so long looking at colours, and tools and kilns before you start to pull your hair out. Or at least it seems to be the case for myself. What the fuck, the library computer is set to American spelling? Who the hell set this lab up? Well I have a place to live next month, and the months after that, so I no longer have to wonder what it would take it to be homeless. Not that it was of any grave concern. I lost my job at the gas station. They told me I was not fired, because that would mean it was performance based, they were just letting me go. Like a fish with his gills torn out, tossed back into the water to finish its life. So I called the employment people and they said I did not have a case as I had only been working there for three weeks, and they still had the ability to let me go with out reason. Still, I made the guy feel really bad. Then I got a call aboot an hour later from another gas station. Better pay, better hours, and better location, but it is still a gas station. It is the night shift, and I worked the first one last night. Ten hours, from ten until eight am. They guy who was charged with my training, and whom I will be ultimately be replacing is returning to Pakistan for his daughters wedding, and is planning on staying there. He is a pretty smart guy for some one who has been working midnights at a gas station for the last seven years. We discussed the decline of morals, ethics and faith in our modern times. I blamed television, he blamed the parents. * * * So I was sitting around the kitchen, and Amy is telling this story about how when she first got married she would always run around the house and try to clean it before her husband would return home. Now Amy is not really the clean the house type, and this had been the context of the conversation up until this point. Then it was at this point that the babysitter who had also been sitting in the kitchen suggested the reason she would run around cleaning was so that her husband would not yell at her when he returned from work. Now, I realize I am telling this a little haphazardly, but if you were to meet these two married people you would quickly realize that they are not really the yelling type. The point of her story ended being that her husband later told her that he did not marry her to clean the house, but that he had married her because she would be a good mom. And it is true, she is a good mother, but that is not the reason I am telling you this story. My point in this tale is with the baby sitter, a pregnant eighteen year old girl who never finished high school, was hooked on meth, who Amy has helped get off the streets and whose default thoughts on how a man should act involved being yelled at when the house was not clean. * * * Strip everything away, and you will find me, buried in clay, you will find me. You know, the more I look at the miss lead, miss directed, miss educated, I cannot help but feel that we are not worth the effort. Our American dream, equality for all, especially the wealthy. Freedom to decide our own lives, and we decide instead not to live them. Frustrated with the state of humanity. Sean is Uehen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:12:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:Join the army they said, see the world they said, I'd rather be sailing. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 5:21:00 PM ----- BODY: My head hurts, I am at our hallowed down town library, and once again, the place is full. I have to be off to work in as little as twenty minutes, but I find my feet have no longing for that place just yet. So I wait and procrastinate, hesitate... bla. My wisdom teeth are starting to peek their way through the back of my mouth, and the affects are rather painful. I think it is why my neck and head hurt. My kiln is still missing in action, so mostly I just play Mario kart. I ran a perfect circuit just before I came down here, sixteen's races all victories. Have not done that before. Killing zombies takes up a good deal of my time as well. Other than that I mostly just pace back and forth waiting. I lost my job then got an other one an hour later. Seems like it will be better hours as well. Sun rise lose a job, sun set gain a job. Well my mind is run, Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:37:00 PM ----- BODY: There are people still standing by, waiting for the computers, who have been standing by since I arrived. The difference between us it seems is I know how to book time on the computer, where they just hope one will become free... It is a rather awkward situation, when you just show up and are able to log onto the computer that they had been trying to gain access to for the last five minutes. I tried to explain to the fellow that I had a booking, and that it would not allow him to access the internet without my library card, but he spoke rather poor English and in the end I think I just made him angry. I do not recall a time that I have not cut past a long line of onlookers oblivious to the ebb of this place, but low it is not my place to educate these people. It seems that one window of internet explorer can crash on these computers with out bring down, er ahh... all the windows. Why do they not run fire fox, have they not yet heard the word? Tabbed Browsing! It can be done! Now, I am all about being a weirdo, but the fellow to the left of me is wearing a single woman's earring. What makes it a woman's earring, I am not wholly sure how to define it, but let us just say that it is dangly, about two inches long and has many tiny blue stones being held together by gold metaly wire on one of those ear ring hooks. He only has one, which makes it look as if he is trying to be conservative in with his in your face ish ness. Bah! Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:07:00 AM ----- BODY: and counting, well I just thought I would let you know, they came and took my kiln away, which is good and bad news. The good news is, i get a new kiln, the bad news is they do not get it until mid next week, which means it will likely be a year before i get it. So yes, things are going slow, and painfully so. It seems so More or less when i go back and forth too and fro I already have paid off twenty percent of my debt. So that much is good. Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:42:00 PM ----- BODY: When speaking one a phone recently, I was told that I was proud. A proud person. Now, it urked me some, as they repeated it a good few times over the course of a rather short time. Pride, proud pout. The first of the deadly sins, and the source of all other sins I wanted to argue my case, but instead decided to wait, think some more about it and ultimately write this. I had to look up the words on dictionary.com, as for all the books in our house the only dictionary I could find was a German one. It was the third definition that I most often apply to the word, "Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness," and I cannot say with any honesty that I have been clean of such conduct, though it may not saturate my character. I ofcourse would rather be called dignified, but just because it is what I would rather does not mean that is what I am. The quality or state of being worthy of esteem or respect, seems to suit my pallet, but. gah I do not know. When I think of pride I think of people dyeing for their country, gays walking with banners, and drunks at the bar. I have often argued that we would all be a lot happier with a little less pride. I want a quiet dignity, to understand myself and be sure of who I am without stepping on any one else's toes. To live my life, and conduct myself in a way that still allows me to sleep at night. Am I so proud, loud, maybe. I only have two minutes left. Well, I will think about it and get back to you. UehenaeS -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:36:00 PM ----- BODY: So I finally got the third box of my equipment, (the kiln) and it is broken to alls hell. Needless to say this is rather frustrating, as I cannot use it until the insurance people have there way, and either take it away, or... Something. I am still waiting ot hear back from them. The library nearest my house is under renovation, so I am once again writhing you from the over priced Asian cafe just down the street from my house. Good location, but this post and the emails I sent have already cost me two dollars. Which is a bigger deal than I would like to admit. The safety equipment for my torch and gas stuff cost a good two hundred dollars more than I had budgeted for, so I gave up smoking pot. Giving up my only true love in such a stressful time has been, well stressful, the worst of it being the boredom. Those moments when it is too early to for bed, to stressed to game or read or yoga, and I just stand there pacing back and forth like a lion in his cage. Helpless to do anything about my situation, but if they would just let me out! Three minutes! Better spell check! Have to fly, Uehen Sean Padraigh O'Reilly -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:28:00 PM ----- BODY: Wrote this a while ago, just posting it now. * * * Hey now sean, it's a good thing our computers here suck, otherwise i woudn't have noticed your unit price for star white had been miss keyed for $421.25 instead of $41.25, (whoops truly sorry) so your new numbers are $4,443.42 an the breakdown goes like this: This is but one of many small screw ups i have had to deal with over the last six months. Yesterday two of my three boxes arrived, giving my my glass, colour, rods, and so forth. no kiln though. i am pretty sure i remember paying 1200 dollars for one, but low and behold. I thought coming to the library to vent would be a good idea, but then i relized only after i got here that i forgot my card. so i am quickly pouring my mind out into hotmail because the express computers do not give you access to much of anything else, and the quickly is a result of my fifteen minute limit on these computers. through i must say that there are some people here who have been on for much more than the allowed time. still through, there is some one waiting. i feel i should say something. Stressed. So i send them money on a friday. It is wednesday before they send the fucking boxes, then they get sent to Saskatoon, so they finally get here yesterday missing one box. I think i am going to start using a diffrent supplier. I told them if i have not gotten it by monday i want my money back.쟧 have never delt with a more unorganized bunch of slack jawed yokas in all my life. really all i need is a hug. my wisdom teeth hurt. So what else can i say to you. the east indian fellow fell asleep reading his box on the chair. my time is up. Sean When i was younger, i used to tell people my favorite day was tomorrow. at the time i could have had no idea how zen, or hilarious that really is, but you know. undisicovered potential. or something.... gah. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 5:39:00 PM ----- BODY: I sit an think, or skate around and sing all the wonderful little anecdotal stories that come through my mind. Then here I arrive to the library at last but my rivers run dry. Perhaps it is the computer monitors that blocks my outflow of... Words. Or the time it takes to translate them to paper, or the realization that I never had the words translate it. Box one of three arrived today. The other two boxes were sent to Saskatoon by mistake. Which is funny to me. Good thing I do not float my boat on omens. So everything should be at the art space by the three on Thursday, so that gives me tomorrow to get regulators, hoses, and fuel. My biggest limiting factor will be colour. (and talent) At fifty dollars a colour, I made sure I got the tools I most needed before going after the rainbow. With nine colours, and two crates filled with clear glass I am hoping that I it will be enough of a start to, you know, get started. Agua azul, twilight, snow white, garnet, evergreen, plum krazy, yellow, turbo cobalt, double amber purple. I forgot to get a black! Fuck. Almost a year, it has been almost a year I have been trying to get this damn dirigible to float, and so long as the rods are not all broken in the case, it should be done this week. Blag. My head hurts. I am still sick. I do not remember being healthy. I am going to leave. Sean Gone Uehen Taco -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 12:41:00 PM ----- BODY: Lets see. Okay, so everything seems to be coming into some kind of shape. I have a space all planned out, but I am not sure it will pan out. Amy's idea of art space is a big open space where artists come to dance. My idea is a hundred square foot room that no one else is allowed near. Frankly, I would rather not let any one know where my studio is. She seems to want to draw as much attention to the area as possible. So will it work out, I have my doubts but I continue. I could... well... hmm... I wonder if I could find an old industrial block to live in. I am moving out of my lovely one room fourth floor apartment, because as much as I can afford to live there, I do not want to have to work that much. Instead I would like to find some ones walk in closet to rent, just to have a place to put my mattress. And I should get a dresser. I am not seeing any one. I tell you more, but I would rather keep with tradition. So I am off to look for a place to live. Blessed is the library. Uehen -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 5:54:00 PM ----- BODY: So here I sit in the library annoyed to no end that I have not a single copy of my resume in my email account. I have but twenty two minutes left before my booking on a computer with a word processor comes to pass, but I have naught to do with the time I had requested. I have not the contact information to rewrite it, and it would be a little silly as I believe Tyler has a copy. I started seeing someone. Today I should have been at work, but my eyes have been bothering my greatly this last week. I will tell them tomorrow, some lie, to make it seem as if the whole day was needed to find if I was go to blind or not. The nice thing about working for Satan is that he does not really care, so long as you show up most of the time. And even if you do not, they still take it. Because there is nothing they can do, they do not want to fire you, working in hell thought air conditioned is still hell. And there is a labor shortage in Winnipeg. I should get into contact with a few of my dads old friends and see if there is some kind of data entry position I could numb my mind with. Or something, anything. I do not think I have eaten today. I only have 9:54 minutes left, so forgive me if my thoughts are a little fragmented. I am in four grand worth of debt. Which is not much when I look at some of my schooling friends. My eyes still hurt. The doctor says it will pass in a few weeks, but they hurt. It does not affect my vision, unless I try to read for a long time. I have no bike, any more it was stolen, I mean I still have my blue bike, but I cannot lock that places. I hear tale of a community center where people donate bikes to, and people can come and build them from parts. They are only open Sundays, but I think I will have to check it out. I will also be ending this now. Uehen Sean -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:11:25 AM COMMENT-BODY:I had my bike stolen too.
A couple of times, actually.

Don't let it get you down, tiger.

In general, how's things? -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 8:10:00 PM ----- BODY: I paid in advance for two hours. I guess I could leave now and save it for next time, But something in me would rather sit in the air conditioned recliner chair, When companies are making keyboards and they decide to place a new buttons in places there have never been buttons before, do they think they are being innovative? My new apartment is pretty sweet all in all. It makes me feel as if I live in a boat, as the floor sags in towards the center, in just that subtle way. The building itself is over a hundred years old now, and I live on the forth, and final floor. I am on eye level with the tops of the trees and have vantage over the rooftops for blocks and blocks. It is extremely hot in the all the time. With three people it gets to be a bit much. From time to time. The monitor jumps every time another screen comes to life. You know, it was a little hard to understand when other people would say they could not handle the Volcano, (to be referred to hereafter as Magma.) I did not really understand what happens to someone who abstains most days, allowing only the occasional deviation, I did not understand. When you take away from smoking and then come back to it there is always that fastbreaker that really blows you away. When you go from sitting down with Magma and the Head of Project X four to seventeen times a day, to being dry, jumping back in takes time. So Yoga ran out a little while ago, and I was broke so I just shrugged and did it at home, until it got too hot. Now I hear tale and tell of a new kind of yoga that does the body well, a hot room suite, and steam for the seams allows the stretching retching mass of flesh a better chance to bend and sway in the extraordinary way. They do it so hot that you sweat more than a lot, so I have got to sign up, and see what I got! Yoga in a steam room! Crazy. So I was at work and some one noticed that I had twisted a ten dollar bill into a ring. I then showed them the twenty I turned into the tshirt and it was snapped from me, I did not ask for it back until I realize he was kind of ruining it, and when he refused, I relieved it from him by distracting him and then... well just grabbing it. He did not take kindly to this and started to give me shit. I just watched him blab on about bullshit, until he ran out of things to say, and I shook me head and looked away. He asked me later if I was annoyed, and I told him that I had just found it strange that he would disrespect me three times, when I had never even thought about biting my thumb at him. This was all yesterday. So today he is trying to be nice, and sits beside me, trying to make small talk and be my friend. I told him, I did not have a problem with him, I did not know him, he did not know me, it is all cool, just do not expect me to be your friend. He did not desist. It is pathetic. Do not know why I felt like telling you this story, about another wanna be big shot, who never had it, and whose best years are gone. I think he is younger than I am. The first sign you are getting older is thinking your age gives you something over some one else. I know full and well that there are children half my age who could hand me my ass at any number of the things I consider myself to be fairly expert with. I know there are people twice my age whom do yoga moves I will never be able to pull off. That being said there are those of us who will have to count high school as their best years. I am not dead yet but I am dying Lord knows you know I am trying But these trials there is no denying Got faces in hand on knees crying. This place is a wonderland. Sean is here Uehen in there -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:14:00 PM ----- BODY: Daaaaaay off. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off. Lied to my boss so I could get the day off. It was at some point last night, after my bike was stolen, the apartment was a mess, and there was nothing to eat because all the stores close before my shift ends. It was coming to a head when I was stuck in the back of the hall closet, I was feeling blindly around the bottom of a box filled with an assortment of crap, vainly searching for one inch screws, when I start to feel a little frustrated. Then at the point where I thought I could not stand another second cramped in our over heated fourth floor apartment when like a light from the heavens, a light from the bottom of the box came. I froze in amazement, and with a slight movement of my hand it was gone. Then another movement and it came back, I pushed everything aside reach deep down to the bottom where I found it, Jesse’s old head lamp, that she had given to me so long ago. I saw that light, I found those screws, and I went back to putting the bed together, until the people downstairs complained. Breath in, breath out, relax. Yoga is over until I start making regular money again, which should be right away as I am working two jobs. I was going to have this Friday off, but I decided that today would be a good time to take a cut into the week. Two days off in two weeks while moving houses seems unfair on those around me, and myself, so today is the day for bank/internt/phone/phatty and bla. I got a pretty sweet job working at the Fort Gary Hotel, it is the only kosher kitchen in all of Manitoba, so if you are Jewish and in Manitoba, you come to the Fort Gary. We have five star Kosher dinners over seen by our own Rabbi. He is a pretty cool guy, during our training they told us, when in doubt as the Rabbi, and last Saturday I was working this huge wedding when one of the guests asked if there were nuts in the second layer of the cake. I took off running to the kitchen, to the bake kitchen, to the cooks room, to the store room, to the wine room, to the managers office, to the main floor lobby and still not a sign of any one who may have known what that cake is made out of, when I see the Rabbi, I run to him, “Rabbi, Rabbi, who will know what the second layer of the cake made of!” He looks down only for a moment before listing off, ”aaah, strawberries, chocolate, flour, carmel…” when I stop him by asking, “does it have nuts?” Assume it has nuts. Helpful fellow. Any of the other 50 people I asked could have told me that, but instead they shrug. I like it, because it allows me to speak with an uptight English accent, and call people Sir or Madam, pour wine, and clear empty cups. And eat the left over unserved food food. A function of doctors ordered forty bottles of wine, and drank three. Half of them ended up in the sink as they were pre poured, and we cannot drink on the job, but the twenty plates of little dainties were open season. The Jews have excellent taste in food. No pork anywhere! I will not tell you about my other job in the unlikely event that I am suppose to be there right now. I am not guided by a light, or voices inside, the forces that pull in the time to time, only offer direction a rhythm or rhyme so you have to pay attention and learn on your time the feelings that come, and the ways went below from the ash on cedars and the telephone polls, it is not the winter that makes me feel cold, or stale desperation of the feelings untold, it is the scares in my heart, my mind and my soul, From the one night stands and the long walks home. Needless, we say. Uehen -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:11:00 AM ----- BODY: I was not entirely in the mood to be going to yoga this week; being crushed left me kind of stressed with out a job. So I had a mind full to hesitate, or at lest procrastinate. I went though, and am fully thankful I did. We spent the whole first hour stretching out and making my body feel proper again, and then with three new moves she undoes everything and I am back to being a train wreck. It was... exhilarating... when she demonstrated the first new move, and every one laughed, and then I did it first try. Then she suggested I try to lift my hands above my head and my world went for jubilation to devastation. All the good stretching did undone in a momentary allowance of ego. The great humbler. Uehenish -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 6:22:00 PM ----- BODY: I would have had more to say about this, but, ah ha hah hah hah hah ha. Ah. I had been accused many times throughout high school of, “not liking anything,” when it came to things like movies. Giving a poor review to something the Murry boys would be falling all over was more than common, it seemed like the rule. Then I started smoking pot and started to phase movies out of my life. As I smoked more and more marijuana I started to understand the difference between good pot and Christmas Pot. Now, if it is not B, B+ I just do not want any. I am stuck for life paying a premium to ensure I always get the best I can. Then when you move out on your own you stop eating and drinking what your parents would buy and get to start buying your own tea. When I moved in with Tyler we went out to a honey show and got some good honey. Suddenly sugar tastes like aspirin and the honey from Safeway is hardly fit for baking. We had to drive an hour out of the city to an apiary to buy two[x2] four litre ice-cream pail filled to the brims with unpasteurized honey. Pure as it comes from the hive. Wholly hell. I thought pail was pale, not pail. Then I find out there is this place called Assam in India that produces the best orange pekoe in the world. I did not know what a full bodied orange pekoe was until I had this tea, and now that I have had it, Tetley tastes like water. So blessed with the taste of emperor and the pocket book of a scullion. I think I want a dog. If it was female I would name it Hecuba, for the woman in the play in Hamlet, and then I could call her Cuba for short. Or Fidel if it was a male. I would call him Castro, but it would be too cruel after having it fixed. More on life later. Uehen for this. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:27 PM COMMENT-BODY:Mystri us,
a hidden hiding tide,
an ocean on its haunches,
a moon to toy with us,
and a ship to take us home! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:05:00 PM ----- BODY: Bless you and I deeply do no longer resolute and I call to you But the waters go so cold, and you do lose what you don't hold. This is not what I had intended on posting. What I wrote was two pages single space. You get this, because, well. Ahh. I just got back from yoga. Not only am I the only male in my class, I am also the only one under 30. So when I was done and got home, the first thing I did was call the yoga place back and sign up for a Monday class as well. I just spent all my money on yoga. Then I barrowed five grand. So I have a torch and kiln coming in the mail. Would any one like a pipe? The bottom line, life is good. I feel as though clouds are gathering, but I always feel like that. I do not like being in debt, but five grand is not bad. And if all is well that is planned well I will at least the ability to pay half of it back by the summer. But it is a floating line of credit, so I can max it out as many times as I like. Is that not scary? I think it is scary. But now I have yoga to give me balance. Or something. Yoghurt. It is harder than I thought it would be, but I cannot get over how the instructor says cobra. I nearly pissed myself trying not to laugh while still doing the move. Chest chin down forward into cobra. Then as we go through it a few more times she starts to abbreviate the instructions, using only key words to remind us of what comes next, lounge, plank, cobra... highlarious. Being stoned for my first match may not have been the best idea, as I passed out standing up. I was in a balanced position so I came too before I fell down, so no one seemed to notice me staggering around in the corner. I had to sit down as soon as soon as I was able to realize what was going on, but luckily the instructor was addressing the class, so it was okay to be sitting. It was like something snapped inside me and I woke up for a moment from a dream, only to find that I had been dreaming and woke up into the more stable reality. Bee ality. We went out and got eight litres of honey. Beehoney. For our tea. We got it, oh maybe a single week ago, and there are six litres left. Diabetes! Sean And I'll tell you tomorrow. Sadie, go on home now. Bless those who've sickened below; bless us who've chosen so. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:42:00 PM ----- BODY: A Potemkin village It really sums up everything I could every hope to teach you about life. by Prince Potemkin for his mistress, the Tsarina Catherine the Great. To please his shortsighted mistress, Potemkin built fake villages on the riverbanks filled with serfs who were ordered to look happy and smile as the Catherine sailed by on her tours of the Ukraine and the Crimea in the 18th century. I am sure it was not the first time some one had done something of the sort, but unfortunately it just had to be named after a Russian, so I have little hope of remembering it after this post. ohtemkin the p is silent. mostly. Stupid Russian. This is perhaps my greatest fear, that everything presented to me was tailored just for me. Now, in saying just for me, I really mean just for us. As few people are worth building a happy town for, but we, the middle educated, class, ground kind of people can often be treated as a single entity. When you have a broad and open goal you can take a broad and open approach. Advertising takes very simple understood methods and applies them to the masses in order to boost sales. It works. Sales go up and I cringe in fear. You ask most people if they would have joined the Nazi party, and they will tell you no of course not. But back in the day, no one in Germany really understood what was going on. There were those who knew, and who said something about what was going on, but largely it was ignored, and people were more than happy to believe that we were doing no wrong. The haze over the city did little to diminish my desire to skip work, but already belted in for another ride there was little else to be done. The residents a la north end lazily make their way in the day, walking to and from the shops, waiting by a bus stop. Stopped at a red light I watch, I wonder, as I see a sign partly behind some one waiting. From where I sit I read, “You can trust...” I speculate and wonder what the advertisement would be encouraging me to trust. When the person moves, the light changes, and my stomach churns. You can trust advertising. And ad from the ad council. My mind reels, in a dizy haze as my vision is flooded by signs of one time offers, faster cars, lower loan repayments, faster weight loss. Trust in advertising. The advertising told me too. Why I worshiped walmart and my silky shampoo. We are burning witches, Leave the ditches for the bitches As my nickel james brown said, A bitch in the hand is worth two if its bush. In my last post I tried to review music. I am sorry. I have no place trying to review music. I am extremely critical of most everything and often disregard something on little more than a whim. I deleted the new snow patrol album after hearing only half of the first song. I wrote off coheed and cambria before I was done reading the title of their latest album. So from now on I will try to avoid anything that resembles a review. You would miss me and all that if I left you again If I said it was over, that it was not pretend Would you still take me back Would you forgive and forget The words of hate that cut you, That twice left you for dead. To come back just as you Start feelin all shiny and nice, To tell you I love you. And ruin your life. Hit home runs, Not your wife. What would you do if they did this to you How many friends would you lose Before the life that you were living Was no longer a life you could choose I am always worried that I am not at my best, then I do not want to write, or pick up what I left off. If I start something and think it is good I do not want to come back to it with anything less than half a mind. Which rarely happens. So it sits and waits and I look at it and start to hate it and wonder if I should just post it or edit it, or add more or what. So it sit while I debate in idle thoughts about bullshit. I feel I need to write something. I never know if I said something offensive in my until I get a response. I should start keeping carbon copies to remind myself that this calm after the storm may be with due cause. I admit my faults, and how I have faulted you. Not to try to make myself look bad, but to make you look. To try to understand that what I say is thought by more than myself. Most people would have you save them or clamour for the chance to save you. I have learned that stepping forward to say what every one is thinking, often ends in your martyrdom. I can think of several instances where I have come to wish I had not said something quiet so elegantly. The Metis are half decent people, at heart. And I am going to hell. Free speech eh? I am going to have to do more than just change my name when I go into politics. I think a lot at work. I walk around picking things up and putting them down again. For hours on end. So I have a lot of free time to ponder everything I could imagine. So far I have little to show for it. Flip on the Volcano! Its 10:37 do you know where your marijuana went? -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:54 PM COMMENT-BODY:that actually never really happened (the potemkin village dealie). it's just one of the many urban myths surrounding catherine great. (well, he got people to dress up and act like villagers, but he never actually made pretend villages)... -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:4:49 PM COMMENT-BODY:My Cousins first husband’s sister told my brother and he told me that urban myths are a true fact, than the fact I have no brother.
It is morality based story the details are insignificant! It is the morals that are important. The morals. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 11:40:00 AM ----- BODY: Some are worried that the two new pipes lines running from the province of Siberia, Russia down into Communist China is little more than a £5.7 billion ploy to put pressure on the EU. This pipeline shows Europe that Russia does not need their business and can then hike the price up on both sides. Some agencies in Moscow worry about Siberia’s ability to stockpile enough fuel to meet the demand, and have raised questions about how much fuel even remains in the region. Which could be why the two are squabbling over who will pay for most of the pipelines construction. These are the things you start to worry about when you read the news every day. Stockholm Syndrome describes the behaviour of kidnap victims who, over time, become sympathetic to their captors. The name derives from a 1973 hostage incident in Stockholm, Sweden. At the end of six days of captivity in a bank, several kidnap victims actually resisted rescue attempts, and afterwards refused to testify against their captors. On titles: Give MacGyver a stick, a paper clip and some chewing gum he might just make you a kite. You could then give me these same three things, and best-case scenario ends in me with mint fresh breath. There is potential in everything, it just takes some one with vision to flush it out. With a pencil and paper I can make you a sketch, with a brushes and canvas I can paint you a dream. The more you have to work with the more you can do. See where I am taking this? Now if you sit in a box for a year, much will go on outside with out you. You may then resurface only to find every one else who did not find it necessary to join you in the box had progressed and developed with their time out side. Their environment would have afforded them a greater range of experiences, and thusly allow them a better understanding of the working world. So... I guess what I am trying to say is Saskatoon is a box, and you all suffer from Stockholm’s syndrome. You are a victim of your circumstances. Stop watching television, do not read this, understanding that you are a product of your environment means that you must manage what kind of environment you expose yourself too. If you sit in the box, you may learn the secret ways of box, but in the end it is just a box. So run, run like hell. The other day I was smoking from my bong. The flame from the lighter set in motion a magnificent sight. The fire grasped the bottom of a stem then rushing up it spread out and across a perfect little five-leafed star. It burnt golden and red, like a sign from above it filled me with amazement and wonder as it burnt down to yellow and then to ash and grey. The Use of Energy Hmm... my moustache has finally started to curl down into my mouth. Perhaps I should just buy a razor... As we are marching towards the inevitable: the end of fossil fuels on earth. My mind is now drawn towards the question of how best to use what little we have left. Some how taking the truck to pick up a slurpee in the middle of winter does not seem like an ideal expenditure. I realise that nothing will stop you or the Americans from driving these dent resistant coffins, but running out of oil might be a start. The idea now is to use what energy we have to develop the technology to save our asses. Every barrel of oil that is used within a country produces so much energy that can be spent in any way you use oil. So who is being the most responsible? China. Think about this, for every barrel of oil you produce so much energy, some of that energy goes to research and development and some goes to cruising down 8th street. What government model allows for most efficient rationing of resources? Communism! Now I am not saying that we should all go communist, but maybe we should? Should. Should. Should. I was told today I should invest in the future. I thought to myself, I cannot eat money. If I could do it all over again I’d do it the same But I’d work this situation out So that you were to blame. Yulia Tymoshenko is the forerunner for what is left of the American backed Orange Revolution that is trying to scrape together a majority in the Ukraine. Power sure is sexy. I bought a Volcano. So much to be worried about. Worried about global warming? Well stop your worrying it is here! In just three days we have lost two thirds of our snow. We are talking about a city that resembled Narnia resembling Narnia as Santa shows up to announce Aslan, Christmas presents and melting snow, snow, snow. It is like a light switch, sort of. You get the icecaps to start melting and then they hit this point, the waters are a little higher than they used to be and click. The higher water allows for icecaps to float a little bit more and the released pressure allows them to slip into the ocean. One slips in and raises the tides just enough for another to slip in, which allows two, for, ten, all the ice caps come sliding down into the ocean. What happens from here is largely up to debate. The earth was already entering a cooling period which would have slowly brought us into another ice age, but thanks to us its been postponed. If all the ice caps slip into the water it is possible that the immobile icecaps on Antarctica could come lose and slip into the ocean. This would flood the planet. Mostly. All this ice now floating in the water is going to do one of two things. It will either cool the earths oceans so much that the planet “flips” into another ice age, or they all melt and we are left standing on the peaks of mountains. Imagine taking a canoe between the skyscrapers still standing out of the water huge like fallen gods. I see conspiracy everywhere I look. Uehen Music Review! Arctic Monkeys – Whatever People Say Enver informs me that over in England these fellows are being hailed as the new Beatles. No one else seems to know who them, and I myself found them on NME.com I cannot say that I dislike even a portion of this album. It is pop, and soon enough it will be here, likely just in time for the kids getting out of school, so soon we will all be sick to death of it, but until then, hazza! Belle and Sebastian – The Life Pursuit Their most produced album to date, I would suggest you download it, but only after you have gone through all their older albums first. Not that it is not brilliant, it is. It just sometimes makes me think that this is what some one would sound like if they were trying to be like Belle and Sebastian. But it is Belle and Sebastian. So I do not know how to feel. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Show Your Bones They do a good job of keeping up with the predict me not attitude as this is not your momma’s and papa’s Yeah Yeah Yeahs. James did not realise what he was listening to until I told him. The new sound does nothing to diminish the flavour, and Karen O is a flavour factory. A must pawn. Screw Proofreading! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:59:00 PM ----- BODY: I read google news so that I may expose myself to a cross section of news stories from all around the world. This is what my news page looks like. It affords me a look into politics left and right from both sides. So where was I going again? Oh yeah! Communication! One thing I have started to realize in my now almost year of reading random news articles is that we just do not understand each other. Half the shit I read could not be considered news, and neither routers, or bbc world get exemption from this accusation. You need only read the same story from a few papers before the bias starts to shine on through each telling. These is no ‘I’ in stab but I am thinking of putting ‘U’ in it. There has been innumerable studies done that show no clear clinical link between marijuana use and long term memory damage, but one study comes out showing their might be a link between the two and every paper in America starts screaming about it. What they will neglect to tell you in most of these articles is that the tests were only done on a total of twenty-four people, this includes the people who did not smoke. The doctors who carried out the tests said in their report that it was impossible for them to determine if the affects shown were caused by the subjects marijuana use or any other number of factors. So despite a massive body of information showing evidence to the contrary every one is piling on the bandwagon. On the basis of one flawed test trial. You do not need to tell me that intelligence is the best anti drug. I know the people who you would associate with my beloved past time. I know the reasons you think we are all monsters, and maybe some of us are, but the shotgun approach is never a pretty one. This is not a problem that is purely focused on the right left or centre. All are guilty here. The right wing papers write for the right wing and the left for the left. They throw stereotypes around as fact, claiming the most horrendous untruths about the other side. They make fun of each other, belittling the other for their beliefs. Throwing stones just makes you look like a cave man. James, call the Daly Burger - 284 4944 My dad asked me the other day if I would like a job as a day trader. He would not ask if he could not some how have made it happen. I told him no. He said some people make a lot of money doing it, and I told him the money was the problem. He tried to change my mind for almost five of our seven minute long conversation. I have had to swallow some rather bitter pills when it comes to employment. Reforesting devastation, only to be raped again. Pumping oppression for 98.9 a litre. But I have to draw the line some where. Fuck the white world. _ S _ _ _ U E H E N _ A _ _ _ _ N _ _ _ And we will take a day of rest if we will all be heaven blessed. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:11:24 AM COMMENT-BODY:Ahah hah hah hah hah. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:7:43 PM COMMENT-BODY:"stub" -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 1:33:00 PM ----- BODY: And then the lights came on, In the middle of the night, What I should do with my life, How I should spend my time, I'll be a stock broker and I'll get me a wife, Gave the diamonds cut, And have the diamonds. Megatons They measure nuclear weapons in megatons. How many hundreds of thousands of tons of dynamite would we need to make a fire ball to rival this wonderful little monstrosity. I realize that no one group of scientists worked on the weapon and that the research was spread out as far as Canada, but at some point some one had to be there to compile it all. Did it not cross their minds that perhaps they should take a step back, muddle the mixture a little so that it just did not work? Instead they send letters to the Emperor of Japan urging him to step down, warning of a terrible wind. At times I wonder what would happen if some high flying aircraft started carpet bombing the city. Would I still go to work? Obtaining food would seem like my new priority. Would they invoke the war measures act? Would they set up safe houses and shelters for the victims of the raids? What could be done to stop these flying monsters? The big eight met in Moscow recently, to discuses everything from bird flu to the growing energy problem. It finally came down on the table that we are going to run out of oil, then gas, then coal, and then we are fucked. They discussed openly for the first time about how if a revolutionary new clean source of energy is not found that we will be facing a crisis rather shortly. China has promised to keep energy consumption twenty percent below the annual domestic growth to try avoiding the need to import any more oil. Russia is going to build thirty new nuclear reactors. The diplomat from the United States said increased trade was the solution. I wonder if they are seen as morons within the international diplomatic communities. Iran is a very wealthy country. They have more in common with us than you know, and like us they want the right to nuclear power. At the moment the USA, Britain and the EU are all very concerned about them acting on this right. So much so that they were within stabbing distance of referring the matter to the UN to impose sanctions against them... which would be fallowed by missiles. However just as it seems all is coming apart Russia holds up its hand and get in the way waving its veto status in every ones face saying that they want to talk with Iran first to see if something can be worked out. So far nothing has been worked out. Maybe nothing will be worked out, but this is only a small problem in the scheme of things. Within the next twenty-five years many of the worlds developing nations will be looking to nuclear power as the answer. Keeping them at bay is not going to be possible forever. Soon everyone will have reactors, every one will be able to enrich, and every one will be able to build weapons. I just hope I am dead by then. Uehen. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 9:52:00 PM ----- BODY: Here it is, Okay! First understand that the town crier is folly. Gossip! Gossip and half truths. Understand me, read me, ask me. Take from no other my words. Every thing about me spins like English, everything about me is only to you. To no one else do my truths hold. If you want to know something ask. Do not believe what you hear. I am prone to lie, and to debate. What is said is not always what is meant. Understand my words to some are worth no more than nothing. To take my will from these is folly. Hark, And low. To understand you must know. So ask. Twist, Twist twist the dagger! Long range threat! Woogie boogie boo! A right fuck off. UehenaeS fuck off -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:52:00 PM ----- BODY: or The collective writings of the last twelve days. I should have been a Shaman. I have been wearing your scarf like candy around my neck The smell of memory fleeting keeps me awake I try not to forget. So James and I are playing halo, and by chance we both kill each other at the same moment and the score falls on thirteen - thirteen. I then proclaimed that who ever makes the next kill would lose the match. James makes the shot gets the score to thirteen -fourteen ahead of me but surely enough I managed to make a spree and prevail over Brown. Then the next two games in a row I win with a score of twenty-five to thirteen. Then in the fourth game James Brown manages to get fourteen points with myself only one kill from victory, but surely enough he kills himself drops his score to thirteen and I kill him to make it the third game in a row. Then it happened again. So I stopped playing. Four games in a row is a bad sign, I think I may have inadvertently cursed James. Pift, inadvertently. I wrote that last paragraph almost three days ago now, and since then about half our games end in the score twenty five thirteen. It happened three times yesterday. (Editors note: In the twelve days since that was first written the score has been twenty five - thirteen more times than I can count. It really has gotten out of hand.) Divine light Like retching Twenty two years old, and I am already tired, When all I do is sleep. The ripples of the day, Waves out from the stones, Dropped from bridges To pass the time. Sedated into tranquility. Ends justifying means. So time passes. Inner peace Oblivion. I once said I wanted to be away from you, When the time was needed. Now that you are beyond my reach I can only weep to myself. May our insight lead like hindsight And our path be forset on all side. Do not become so attached to a poem that you forget the truth that lacks lyricism. Do not become so attached to a faith that you forget its just a social paradigm. You have been conditioned to be everything you are. Looking back at the situation from the outside, I must admit that it would have looked rather odd to Brown. When I leapt from my chair and landed on the tips of my toes in the middle of the room. Taking two steps toward the kitchen still on toe, then stopping, waiting, pirouette towards the door, stop wait, turn and place a toe on the first stair. Wait, look up stairs, and then run up the stairs. Of course I was just trying to figure out where the draft was coming from. Which was the window upstairs in the bathroom. Sometimes we forget to close it. Or open it... Floating nightly on the ocean of your love, In a small wood boat I stay floating. Look up and feel as away from you as the stars, Though their light is guiding, It is their light that I wish washed over me. I think Tyler would like to teach me that stealing is bad. But property theft from a mindless soulless inhuman cooperation does the economy good! By forcing the corporations to pull tighter and tighter they only add stress to their frail design. Something has to snap before there is change. By undermining their efficiency I am pushing for change in a world where they make it hard to believe in anything. What damage am I doing? What more could I do? I could fly to Africa but I think I will try to help out at home a bit first. The more I look around and the more I think about things around this city the more I realize that a change will come in our lifes time. Capitalism is the evil seed within our society, pitting on against another. Rewarding those who dare to be the most cutthroat. I am naive and largely uneducated on the matter, so I am in no place to be arguing with you right now but I am working on my manifesto. You will be the first to see. A working class hero. You think that after only a years passing since I worked for western grocers that I would have been a little more than hesitant to go running back. Oops. I am tired of the government and their silly games to get me money. After my first check back with the warehouse I am just going to get a regular loan from the bank and buy everything I need. Work and glass when I can... until I get the union. Then part time. Pay the loan and not have to worry about zoning, fire permits, and people snooping around to see how business is going. If I tell them I want a loan for five grand to buy a couch they will likely just give it to me. Then I get the torch, and maybe buy a house. You can get them for three hundred dollars a month here. Like borscht! Did you know you get can weasel a tax break if you own more than one house? You know where socialism is really starting to heat up? England. There are areas where a residence is six times the average annual household income. The low price of tin has forced the workforce into mcJobs for a minimal wage and a desolate future in tourism. So what are they doing about it? I will show you... want to see what the futurelooks like? You can learn a lot from a commie. Did you know that the managers at Domo drive around all day from location to location counting money? They fix accounting errors and give motivational talks to the underpaid and under appreciated. They want you to work hard, because they get a bonus based on how many litres of gas you sell. You of course would never see any of this bonus as a simple employee; hell you were not supposed find out about it. All I am saying is that it is possible to do things differently, but more than just differently, we can do it better. Democracy is still possible within socialism as is commercialism and freedom of speech and all that other bull shit the states is so hard up about. Socialism is not about controlling and regulating the way you live your life. This is only what they tell you it is about, to scare you into buying another happy meal. Socialism is about making sure the basic needs of every one are taken care of first. Food, shelter, healthcare, education should all considered basic human right. It is insane to think that we have made it this far with out some basic framework in place for taking care of everyone. No one teaches you to raise a kid! Well some one should fucking well start teaching! How hard can it be to instate a program that teaches mothers basic mothering techniques? Offer them additional social assistance if they go through a one-month seminar on why not to shake a baby, why not to drink, why to sing, why play peek-a-boo. Do not! Do not! Do not ask why! Do not! Do not! Do not ask why! If you were to take a small capitalist island only ninety miles away from a very large and angry nation that decided it was not going to trade with you, forcing you to only do business with countries half the world away, how long would it be before that system came crashing down? Yet on the principals of all people being equal, with no one left behind, Cuba has managed to survive under the shadow of the most oppressive and ignorant nation to ever plague this planet. By working together they have managed to do what no economist would have ever bet on. Kill Kill! I listen to a disgusting amount of Joanna Newsom. Every time I listen to her I fall a little more deeply. Every time I feel love swell within me, this must be how regular people feel for the ones they love. My hand smells like vomit? I do not remember puking on it, or placing it in another spu. Cry do I deserve her with unflagging fervour! Well no we do not if we cannot get over it. I have been reading about nuclear reactors a lot lately. Enough that some one is likely monitoring me now... they fascinate me though. I could talk for hours about everything from CANDU to the Fast Breeder argument India and the States are having over civilian listings of such reactors. But I will try to avoid that. Before a country is considered among the nuclear “haves” they first must be able to take the process from dirt to bomb without dependence on any other nation. The only countries that can claim this are also the only countries that have veto rights with a permanent seat on the UN securities council. Funny? I am not laughing. Here it comes. Here it comes. Here it comes. Mmm green pepper, French brie, mayo, on toasted rye... The United States is trying to off load its patriot missile system on who ever will take it for what ever they can get for it. Why? Well because it does not work silly! When a scud breaks up into several pieces over its target the patriots cannot tell which piece of falling debris is the warhead, so even if it manages to hit something odds are it was not the intended explosive. They have no proof it has ever worked. They have proof that it can shoot down friendly British aircraft. And these people wanted to put weapons in space! The other reason these missiles have hit the barging bin is because the states has better toys than that now. It is now possible for them to destroy a missile as it is being launched. So the silo opens the tip comes up out of the ground and smash! Boom! No more missile or horrible nuclear payload. What does it mean? What does it mean! It means that in the right hands, in the right places this kind of defensive system would render nuclear weapons ineffectual! But fuck if they will share with the likes of you. And fuck twice if it works. Fuck thrice if you can find an enemy to defend yourself against. Missiles? I keep my nuke in the back of the truck. We will just drive it across the boarded when it comes down to it. See what happens when you let me read the news. Sean and then. Uehen is when You are now My words are all I have, but don’t you underestimate me. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:12:46 PM COMMENT-BODY:Link! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 1:26:00 AM ----- BODY: It is your choice. So an idea comes to me, it can come from any place, something I see, or hear or anything. They come from all over. Then I have the idea and I start to think about it, expand it out modify it based on what I have been thinking about lately, or any other number of internal or external influences. The idea grows and changes, and very often leaves behind whatever source may have sparked the idea. So by the time I am thinking about this for long enough to convince myself it is funny, and laugh loudly to myself it has most likely gone through several stages of development, so asking me what I am laughing at often times leaves me in a situation where I am forced to make something else up, as an explanation would surely tear a hole in space time. Or something. So that is why I laugh to myself. Or sometimes mumble half a sentence. Because I have gone insane, the words change but the meaning is still the same. The reputation of repetition echoing endlessly back on it self though corridors and halls. The walls and ceilings creaking cracking lacking the insight brought by visions of the possible probable paradox of passings. Of what thought, of what unthinkable paradigms could come such clutter clamouring, chanting calling, down, down, down and away. So I have started playing halo again. Before I went tree planting last summer I switched my controller configuration from the standard keyboard mouse configuration to the classic Legacy configuration. The bonus to this control style is that it splits the movement and look controls between the two joysticks to allow for a more fluid sweeping movement and ultimately more accurate sniping. Now when you have been a computer gamer for as long as Sean, and when a substantial number of games are only available with the mouse and keyboard configuration, it is understandable that switching mid career to a wholly new control style is a bit of a hurtle. It is however not insurmountable. I spelt insurmountable correctly on my first try! You see back in the day there was this crazy system that introduced this crazy thing call the thumb stick. Then they came out with the crazy game for it called 007 Golden Eye. The thumb stick allowed first person shooters to be taken to the next level so to speak. There was however only one thumb stick, which ultimately resulted in the strafe and vertical axis control to be pushed over onto the buttons leaving the thumb stick to control momentum and the horizontal axis. It was a control configuration designed out of necessity, and lives on today as Legacy. Snipers Choice. What is the point of all this? Memory of course! When you are in a stressful situation you regress with the stress ultimately meaning that when bullets and rockets are flying all over the place and instinct takes over, instinct still thinks I am playing with a mouse. Instinct twists me around the wrong way slams me into a wall and gets me shot. It does not make sense to split the control of the axis when you have two thumb sticks! Why can you not just get a mouse for your xbox! So I have to force myself to stop, relax and think. I think back to playing bond, I think about what it feels like to walk around corners, to run circles around some one you were attempting to put holes into. I think, I relax and and it comes to me. I regain control and hopefully not into a bullet this time. I have memories I cannot remember. Some of these things I say are nothing but something some one else said to me before. I cannot remember being told, or who told me these things, but at the right moment, at the right instant the memory will surface just enough for me to quote it, and I will call it my own. You are the only person I have even come close to being honest with. I have never really been of the persuasion that suicide is always the worst outcome. I am sure that there are people who have gone on living to do great evils and unforgivable wrongs after they stepped down off the stool. I am also a big proponent of choice. If you think your situation is so unbearable you are probably right. My solution to the mood swinging Sunday night slitter is that if you wanted to end your life so badly you should be willing to starve your self to death. Eating disorder any one? I am the terror that flaps in the night, That Kentucky Fried Chicken that wasn't quiet right, I am Dark Wing Duck. Uehen gonna eat that I am the kind of person who would feel ethically obligated to reject any woman who had received breast enlargement surgery. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:05:00 PM ----- BODY: The drugs still work you are just twice as fucked as before. Like sticking rusty nails into your veins. The truth takes care of itself. It may get battered, it may get bruised, but the truth, it is a survivor. it is in it for the long haul, and it will prevail. My boss at bobs always claimed to be a good judge of people, which in itself was an indicator that he was anything but. So I get the job, and this other fellow gets the job and naturally my first thoughts are of how do I remove this insult? It was by luck that I answered the phone first and was called in for the first emergency shift, so I got my foot in first. I got a few more hours than he, but still I pondered on what could oust him. It was not long before I realized that taking no action was a mush better plan, it avoided making myself look any more cut throat than need be and all I had to do was act surprised when I found out that he was dealing out of the store. How subjective is truth. A part of me thinks that it is purely a mathematical ideal. The letter v is enjoyable to me. Verbosely vocalizing various vintage vocabularies. Say that five times fast. Or even once out loud. Did any one hear you? Say anything, Anything, Say anything, Anything, Anything. Say. Money and me are like oil and water. I am all wet and the other starts fires. Is admitting you are a monster grounds for redemption? Step two of twelve. Atone! Atone you mother fuckers! Burn! Burn! So please, Say, Anything, Say I’ll be Mon ami Anything, Anything. I think this will take care of itself. staring Sean as Fitz Uehen as Gerald We are your friends, you’ll never be alone again. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 3:40:00 AM ----- BODY: We may be the only people in Winnipeg blasting Bella and Sebastian. I fear that I have not updated in some time. I fear I have nothing to say. Repeat. I fear that I have not updated in some time. I fear I have nothing to say. Repeat. I fear that I have not updated in some time I fear I have nothing to say. James Brown has had a negative impact on my ability to form cohesive sentences. This is a side affect of the sudden increase in substance abuse that goes on between the walls. Even Amanda finished almost a whole Mickey to her self the other night. Not that I am implying she has a drinking problem. I remember being sent [to Rome] from [New York] after taking only four blades hoots, this was before Christmas. I could hardly speak or stand, so the [studios] decision to send me [to Rome] was hardly a surprise. Now four is a warm up round. Or something we do after we have smoked something else. This has been some of the best I have encountered and I have a lot of it so my tolerance has shot through the roof. If only there were more advanced harder substance to abuse, ones that could addict and destroy me! Surely that would cure my insatiable thirst for an altered reality! *Shivers* James Brown also speaks the demons name. Salvia. Salvia is like a mirror with no frame. Some do not see it, While others do, And do not like what they see. I started compiling a document on it, as I realized that I was in a rather unique position to shed some light on the demon. It is a ways a way from being done, as I am very lazy and often get distracted by Mario Kart. But, It is like the old saying goes, you never really quit you just stop for a while. Like coke, hitting your wife, and sodomy, once you have crossed the line, there is nothing you can do but lie, or do it again. Once the road has been traveled, there is no question left as to capability. I thought I was dead. You most likely do not understand what it is to live through the revelation that you are no longer alive. I was convinced beyond all questions that I had reached the end of time, and exhaled my last breath. I came to accept the passing of the universe and found peace in the absence of existence. It was terror once memory started to flow back. Realizing that I had no died caused me to suffer a panic attack and another wave of hallucination. That was the first time I went into the deep end. I have since been back twice, with a few trips around the kiddie pool as well, but nothing like the first time. So still, It calls to me. There is nothing I can say, there is nothing I could do to make you under stand the things that you will go through. If smoke’n and toke’n is left best with joking my recommendation is revoking the idea that this trip is a vacation. Through your travels may go far only your brain leaves the station. All the rules are off, and if they aren’t we’ll go out of our ways just to break them. So if all you want to see is just how far it really goes, give me a shout, and I’ll introduce you to some one who knows. Harper Speared. On another note, the conservatives only won thirty six percent of the vote. This could hardly be called the will for change, much less revolution. Will the conservatives keep it in their pants for long enough to make some visible improvements to the country? How long can they pretend that they do not want to bend over and take it from America? I put “Harper” as one of the topics to search for on my news.google page. I never kept tabs on Martin, but some how I feel compelled to watch this tricky fuckers every move. Did you know back in ‘89 he was serving as head of the anti-Medicare National Citizens Coalition. He does not say too much about that now, like most other right wing vultures he has discovered that the best way to sell capitalism is to lie about it. “At a conference in Vancouver last fall, Medicare opponents openly discussed how to repackage their message to make it more palatable to Canadians. As the Star's Thomas Walkom reported, one privatization guru told the crowd they'd have more success selling private medicine if they pitched it, not as a way for the affluent to jump the queue, but as a way to "strengthen" Medicare.” (taken from the Toronto Star) If Harper keeps his views hidden from your mom and dad he may still have a chance of winning a majority. Leaving our social system in the hands of a man who's devoted much of his life to figuring out how to destroy it. The Liberals had been working on a day care program for inner city women. Three fourths of Canada’s mothers have another job, and not having to worry about a baby sitter would take much stress off of them. It also employs day care workers, and frees up segments of the work force that may not have been able to work otherwise. Harper will likely dismantle this day care program, in favour of giving checks to the mothers. These checks will be appreciate by whom ever receive them, little doubt in that, but will the money do more good than an organized and regulated system? As the checks will be going largely to groups of people who already have money management issues. When you let rich white men make all the choices, you get answers that please rich white men. You throw your children to the wolves, And weep at your misfortune. Mr.Bush says that ethanol is the solution to Americas oil addiction. Little does he know that it currently takes more petroleum to make ethanol than you get ethanol from the end of the process. If we were to switch over to ethanol we would first have to decentralize our processing stations and start producing gas locally. Fire and brimstone will fall from the sky, and everything will be horrible. Doom! Doom I say! I have to agree with Tyler though. We will not let our grasp slip, we will simply build nuclear plants to make hydrogen and bury the waste in northern Manitoba. Kill ourselves faster with radiation than we could have ever killed anything with an infinite supply of oil. Evangelists. If you are willing to believe That all energy has come from the sun. The life that once flourished now lays as oil under the rock. Energy stored, ready to be tapped and utilized. If you believe, the energy that we receive now by the suns rays, by the burning tree, by dinosaur bones, was all put here for us by god. Then you do not have to ask yourself what it means to turn on the ignition. Uehen Planning ahead takes the guesswork out of what to do next. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:32:00 AM ----- BODY: 624 points in Mario Kart ds with Wario! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:7:07 PM COMMENT-BODY:I'd rather bee hives than scratch em. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:06:00 PM ----- BODY: We need to make pamphlets to send to American leftist to come move to Canada. Dr Phil! Please come and save Canada! YOU JUST GOTTA UNDERSTAND ONE ANUTHER You know, all told I am hardly surprised by the outcome of this election. I never had faith in the rest of you anyways. I am glad to see that the NDP gained some ground, I am sad to hear the Bloq lost ground, I hate the conservatives and I think Paul Martin was a good guy in a bad situation. All I can hope for now is what always happens. Canada blindly clamouring for, “a change,” while the conservatives tighten their grip on the revolver held countries head. Spin the chamber, results may very! They do not have the power to put into place all of their fucking crazy policies. Gay people aren’t people. Keeping people in jail for longer makes people stop breaking the law. And healthcare... Oh poor poor healthcare... I do not want a conservative government! Canada felt that sleeping with an aids infected hooker would be good for a change. Bend over and take it from Bush. I hope I hope that this will be short lived. I hope they drop the ball and fuck everything they touch for the next year. I want to see everything come crashing down. Then we can get over this time for a change crap and get back to the liberals. Well, mostly I am just disappointed. I guess I can always move to Bolivia. Uehen for this -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:1:33 AM COMMENT-BODY:In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 9:44:00 AM ----- BODY: Trying to decide if I should stick to my plan and not go to sleep tonight, or cave and crash. Poorly constructed sentances un the mean while... I think my body would best run on a thirty-six hour clock. Awake for twenty four hours, sleep for twelve. This ten, fourteen thing is not working out in my favour. I sleep too much these days. Blessed be the Internet. Three days of downloading and I got the traditional Chinese version of Simcity 3000. I think I am going to buy Tyler a new video card for this thing. It would be nice if it ran a few games with out making me hate myself. So how much longer do people have to keep saying that, “they do not teach you how to raise children,” before some one starts teaching people how to raise children? Most people I have spoken to on the matter did not realized that playing peek-a-boo with your child develops their esteem, and helps to teach that although you may not be around, you will be back. An important thing to know about your parents. These are the things that should be taught. Of course if you are committed enough to read a book on raising a child you are arms and legs ahead of most people. How do you teach people how to teach their children not to lie? How to do their homework? How to avoid sending mixed messages with your disciplinary choices. I believe my habits and lifestyle now are largely a results from the time I spent as a child with my parents and genetics. Our system now is too ridged and focused on only a part of the picture. We need to rethink how we deal with teaching, starting much younger, with a more open end. I just keep thinking about all this wasted potential. Positive roll models! That is what these kids need. I often feel that it has gotten all too large. That we should be living smaller. The good of the community has been lost in a wash of self-absorbed commercialism. Bah. I am all sleepy and ranty. Makes me wish I had something to say. I am going to go get a sweater. Got a sweater, I feel better. Did the dishes, baked some biscuits. The Chinese version of SimCity had the English version with it. So I guess this means I am going to go play some simcity. Uehen there -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:26:00 AM ----- BODY: I love my dog but my dog left me, I buried my dog under the old oak tree, I know he is now somewhere chasin n’ free, And one day soon he’ll be runnin with me. I love my dad but my dad left me, He now rests where my son will bury me, He taught me these words, helped me believe There is more to a man than his legacy. I love my love but my love left me, I buried my love under tear stained dreams, Melody and memory have come to take me, So one day soon with my love I’ll be. Uehen What happens to those lost souls. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:3:37 AM COMMENT-BODY:i'd rather be a lonely king,
than a lowly peasant -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:59:00 AM ----- BODY: I feel I should say something to the effect of, James is holding pictures to the wall and then looking to me for approval. He has a small nail and a determined sprit. There is a hammer downstairs, but that would be too easy. Close to the light switch. The space bar, it is broken sir. I am not wholly sure what is wrong, but it sure is having trouble fulfilling its task of adding spaces between my letters. Precious, precious spaces. We have a new tree. It was twenty two dollars from home depot. It is twice as big as our other similar tree which cost the same only before Christmas. Maybe if we did away with corporate holidays and let people just get things on their birthdays people would consume thing a little more evenly all year round and not fuck the economy just before spring. I look forward to nothing, like I look forward to spring. These last few plus one days have only intensified my craving for shorts, clean pavement, new tires, and no one driving down town at night. This city was build with the long boarder in mind. Settlers of Catan has expired. My free trial computer version of the game, has come to an end less than a day after it was installed. It is really too bad, as I was learning a lot. I got the game just before Christmas, and it has been gently rocking my world ever since. The rules are simpler than monopoly, and it has more strategy than risk. It is wonderful. Myself and Towelle played four game in a row, and only stopped because every one else refused to play any more. Beats the hell out of going to the bar. Or any manner of other things. *Tear If you are worried, you aren’t paying attention. I fear a conservative government. A conservative government would result in me losing faith in my fellow Canadians! And if that happens I am likely to be come marginally more irritable. Prone to yelling at strangers, and kidnapping children. Only write about the crimes you will never commit. So I guess I have nothing else to say. Uehen then. My kinds your kind, I’ll stay the same. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: To mess with your head. I hope you looked forward to it. Back in Winnipeg and still working at Rogers. You know that string they tie to the bulls balls? My situation is a little like that, but i still have my job. Minimum wage, minimum effort, ridiculous expectations. Nothing else worth mentioning for now. Uehen me dreaming -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 1:21:00 AM ----- BODY: Just a quick update. Things are going well. I have no phone, and I want to start looking for a new job... so I may just grab a pay as you got something or something. Bah. I try not to think about the business. It consumes me... every product I see, every idea I have, I start wondering how I would market it or what segments there could be within the target demographic. How many units do I have to produce and sell to maintain a profit. Did you know that the average Canadian company operates on a 3% profit margin? Did you know that most internet sales for women’s lingerie go to the middle east? Did you know that potatoes are one of the only products that the poorer you are the more you buy? Although for all the work it is, it is just work. All you need in this country to be successful is to work, which cannot be said for all of the world. We are blessed. I am sleepy. Okay, bed time. Uehen/Sean I got a humidor for my birthday/xmas! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 5:40:00 PM ----- BODY: Hey all. Sorry I have not updated in a bit, it has been a little crazy here. I am going a little crazy here. I spent all of today and yesterday in meetings, and I will be spending all day tomorrow doing the same. Everything is looking great as far as getting a loan goes, but I will not know for another while yet. I have found a potential store front, for a pretty good price, so if everything goes perfect, I could own my own head shop/studio as soon as January. If it goes less than perfect I should have at the very least a studio set up by January. There is still a lot of ground to cover, as I am doing all of this on barrowed money which is being lent to me wholly on the merit of my ideas. This results in me falling to the ground and screaming in terror every now and then. Lucky this does not happen that often, although it has been happening more often. The way this works is you get one free chance. I can show them my good idea and they will give me money once. If I fuck this up, I can get more money but next time it will be much, much harder. I will have to have my own money firstly, and I will have to answer many questions as to why I failed the first time. I am not so far in that I cannot get out, I am not so old in that this will be my only chance, but fuck! If I pull this shit off I am set for life! I will be able to do what I love for the rest of my life. I am going to go lay down and scream for a while. Uehen panics Sean screams -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:9:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:I forgive no man.
I am not a man.
woMAN. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:8:50 PM COMMENT-BODY:We're going to a party, a birthday party. It's your birthday, happy birthday darling. We love you very very very very very very much. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 10:24:00 PM ----- BODY: She is moving out! It really only took her three days to realize she had no options here, but her throwing up the white flag just means I cannot throw too many more stones before she leaves. Beating a dead horse is only fun for so long. I should be happy, I did after all get what I wanted. However, I am no longer taking incoming calls. Or making out going calls either. You see, she was taking money from us every month, and not paying the phone bill. So I have no phone, until further notice. She said she would be gone before the end of the month. Glee. Uehen and Uehen -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 9:41:00 PM ----- BODY: Shock and Awe-inspiring. Four out of five people have problems with fractions. Sixty percent of the time it works every time. Shows what you thought you knew. I get too much sleep these days. Uehen tap Sean Brought to me by Canada Post -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:36:00 PM ----- BODY: Alright, Here stop. Let me interject for a moment. Not that your speech is not filling me with the pride to go work hard, but there is just one thing that I think you should know. I understand you. The words you speak, I understand them perfectly the first time you say them. You do not have to repeat your point using slightly different words, over and over again. I understand. So can we move on? Understanding. People who lack understanding are my least favorite people. And just because you did not go to school does not mean you do not understand, and vise versa. There is no such thing as common knowledge, there is no universal knowledge base that everyone draws from. There is however understanding, and understanding what is common is key to success for a great many people. This understanding of common things creates cultural pockets, within regional pockets, within global pockets. Experience gained in these pockets leads to an understanding of what is common there. The more pockets you expose yourself to the wider your base of understanding will be. The difference between ignorance and hate is knowing what it is like, to be in the skin of the thing you hate, and feel no empathy. See Uehen Run, See Sean Run Run Uehen Run. Understanding what you need to do, to be successful, and doing it. e·man·ci·pate 1. To free from bondage, oppression, or restraint; liberate. 2. Law. To release (a child) from the control of parents or a guardian. sub·li·mate 1. Chemistry. To cause (a solid or gas) to change state without becoming a liquid. 2. 1. To modify the natural expression of (a primitive, instinctual impulse) in a socially acceptable manner. 2. To divert the energy associated with (an unacceptable impulse or drive) into a personally and socially acceptable activity. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:59:00 AM ----- BODY: My not so subtle campaign for the removal of my other room mate has begun. With James giving the thumbs up to a move here next month, Tyler called a family meeting to discuses the future. Firstly, I have to clean the downstairs bathroom. Secondly we will be removing Ryan’s girl friend from her room. She said no. This came as a shock to me as I could not see any logical way that she could keep her room. She is behind on rent, and being only one third of the total population of this house she does not really have a leg to stand on. She behaved as any one who feels trapped would behaved, grasping desperately at every point she could think of trying to find some high ground. Being the only girl, needing more space, how she has been left out of all the decisions in the house, how she likes it with just the three of us. She failed to make any decent points with one small exception. She offered to pay more rent. Being behind on payments as she is I do not know how she would plan to compensate us for the eighty dollars each that we would be lost, but sure she can keep the biggest room if she starts paying four hundred and eighty dollars a month. Plus utilities. I suggested she move out but she argued that her name is on the lease, that she has no where to go, and blab blab blab blab blab. I am fairly sure that having her name removed would be as easy as asking our landlord and I have already printed off some listings for other housing options for her. Tyler has already said that he does not want to play the good cop in this situation and would be more than happy to see her leave as well. You see, I do not liking living with people who lie to my face. I do not forgive easily, and I certainly do not forgive with out reason. She is not welcome here, and I plan on doing my best to remind her of that. I wrote her a poem on the refrigerator with Tyler’s Shakespearian magnetic word set. Naught Ladys Tale Foul woman Give me fortune Seek nothing here whatsoever Yield your curse and bestow mercy How can thine lazy will ask above we? Oft speaks in trifle vulgar Vile poison is in her manner See thee make haste please Wench no friend shall you herein be Never come ne’er more Farewell From Villain Not bad for such a limited selection of words. I thought signing it from villain would help add to the imagery I wanted to bring to her mind. This campaign will be anything but subtle. Tyler objects to my style. He would rather I not approach things from such a straight forward stance. He would prefer it if I did not declare myself against her, but that is just because Tyler is a big wuss and does not like to see people argue. I on the other hand seem to revel in the light of opposition, to take pleasure in having an opponent to overcome. He says I am tasteless in my tactics! Oh look! She put the apartments for rent sheet under the keyboard so as to show me that she rejects my offering of another place to live. Well I will just have to print off five more pages and put it under her door so she sees it in the morning. Then I can get her work schedule and start booking her appointments for viewing new places to live. I can call rental companies and leave her name and cell phone number so that they call her back. I can turn off the water when she is having a shower. She said she likes it her with just the three of us. Does my not liking her score as a counterpoint? After the family meeting she went to clean the upstairs bathroom, (to showcase how useful she can be) myself and Tyler tried to sympathize with our adversary. He asked, “How would you have tried to keep your room?” I shrugged and said that I would have just tried going after his rooms as a trade. He then suggested that he would simply just stay in the room, and refuse to leave. This plan however, as I pointed out to him only lasts for as long as she does not go to work. If she has not moved out of her room by the time James gets here, we will be moving her out. The biggest problem I face in removing this witch is that she is lazy. Like so many other blank minded bipeds that populate this planet she would rather live in suffering than change. She would rather work at a shit job than look for a new one. This is a problem as I will have to make things extremely uncomfortable for her before she even considers leaving. It has been suggested that my ignoring her completely, with out words or eye contact has resulted in her shutting herself away in her room this last month. This sadly will only hinder my progress. However that is not to say that I am above knocking on her door to inquire if she has started packing yet... over and over and over... until she indeed starts packing. I sit in a position with nothing to lose. I have only her will to break. My path to victory is set on all sides. Now only to absurdly do what needs to be done. Until it is finished. Uehen today Sean Tomorrow Hey! They won't let me change the time anymore! -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Uehen COMMENT-DATE:5:00 AM COMMENT-BODY:Ahaha... So I just spent an hour going through the rental listings in Winnipeg finding anything that is in this area and within her price range, then I compiled it all into a report with all the needed information, sorted by location within the city, printed it off and added hand written notes in pencil.

”Very nice, you should call this one first.” -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Bang! It is off. I think I was hoping to be disappointed by marijuana. Some place inside of me wanted it not to be any fun. To try it again and say, that all that has happened is I cannot think straight. It seems this is not the case. My mind is racing a mile a minute, every inch of my body is alive and wide awake. I feel each muscle move every pressure on my body from the soles of my feet to the collar of my shirt. I can feel my reflexes take over as I dance around the kitchen, opening the fridge, turning on the tap, turn, grab a plate, pirouette, jump, turn, pose, magic hands. I was thinking about getting money together and opening a sweat shop in India. It would be nice to live in India for a while, and I could open a factory making hemp clothing. It would be cheap to buy, and make I could sell it to stores right here in Canada. Small hands, good stitches. After only the first few tries, I was not sure if I liked Mario kart DS. Then I played a few more and wanted to beat myself up for ever having thought anything bad about it. It goes cramp my hands after a while, but I just have to learn to relax my hands. I even remembered to turn the tap head away from me, so that when I turned it on it did not splash all over me. I never remember to do that. So I just ran out of tree planting money. Good thing I work. Best go get the days chores done. Uehen/Stoned -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: So it is day six of a smoke free me and all is going well. It is has been ridiculously easy to stop. I always figured that saying it is not addictive is just one of those things you say, but that cigar I smoked a few days ago has left me with more cravings than I have felt for the lovely marijuana this last week. I have been fairly chronic since high school, so if I was going to develop a dependency I think I would have by now. To toke, or not to toke: That is the question: Whether it is better to numb the mind or suffer These things that make life drab and dull. I have never dreamt the feeling of an others skin. In my life I believe that I have had one vaguely sexual dream. That one dream came to me before high school. I moved to kiss, then it vanished and I was awake unsatisfied. This dream left in me a desire I had not yet felt to that point. Now this has always been a rather sore spot for me, as it is my understanding that most people dream of intimacy. I dream about being late for work, being in a submarine under attack, tripping and falling, wasteland cities in a post apocalyptic future. Smoking marijuana hinders ones ability to dream, as it limits the amount of REM sleep one can accomplish. I awoke to this sixth day with the feeling of an others flesh warm on my mind. This first dream. So now the question has been asked, Do I want to keep dreaming? Do I stop smoking to chase this fleeting dream of soft sheets and yellow sunlight. Uehen/Sean With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action. - Soft you now! The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: But now, But now. And all the other things I could not bring myself to say. There is no one else around, but I can still hardly bring myself to think it. Today is day who knows. I have come this far with out feeling the need to go back, so why not sit and chat a while. I have just been waiting for the right time to tell, I think you are a monster. But now, But now. And it is all being reinforced as quantified. These is so much I will never understand, but I can see it clearly as the mirror that cannot reflect you. Used to peer around the corners at others. What use are you, or can you be, when you will not even stand up to yourself. An ugly face hides behind a pretty one. So sleep away your self loathing, and sleep away your fears. Sleep away the afternoon, let your pillow hide your tears. But now, But now. Uehen now Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: Late at night, finding myself on the street again. Trying to hide the desperation in every step I take. The pale orange light from ever lamp that guides my way, I feel lost on this path to becoming whole. How much self reflection is needed before I feel another year older. Unable to shake that sense of futility that comes with every step I take, as I blacken my lungs with every breath. I feel I have nothing to say. The poetry I listen too only makes me hurt, with every cleaver phrase. Imagery of life and loss, I feel I have accepted as much as I can take. Oddly enough, I think my land lord is to blame for this black cloud. He does not like me, and he does not hide it well. He is quick to anger, and lacks understanding but he does not like me living here. That angers me. I felt like yelling at him, for all the good it would have done. Tyler, I feel this house, and our room mate were both mistakes. I felt myself wishing he would evict us as he argued with the plumber trying to fix our sink. I feel unsure of myself. I have not done any of the things I came here to do. When any aspect of my life has displeased me in the past, I would simply cut it out and leave it behind. That is largely why I find myself living here now. Being able to leave things behind is something I had taken for granted I now realize. I find myself in this house with a woman I cannot stand. Like an inoperable cancer, eating me alive. This is why I asked you to come here James. And the glass of course, but I do not need you for that. I dream of Victoria, and dieing alone. Today is day three with out smoking any marijuana. I stopped because I am running low, and because I really have not missed a day for as long as I can remember. I wanted to clear my body, so that next time I would feel it like hammer to the head. I think I will hold off until Monday, so long as this clarity does not drive me to madness. This clarity. I have started cleaning the house every day. I shoveled the walk to near perfection yesterday. Walking the streets tonight smoking a cigar and listening to the shins, I realized that I may have the cleanest walk way in the whole Osborn area. I bough a saw and a drill yesterday. Yet for as agitated as this all must sound, I do love Winnipeg. Though I am not sure why. It could be the 5HTP. I was sick this morning indirectly because of it, as when I am happy I do not eat. I was getting by on a meal a day for almost a week before it caught up with me. I wonder how heavy I am now. When I stood on the scale back in grade nine, I was a hundred and twenty nine pounds. When I stood on the scale before coming out here, I was a hundred and thirty. I did not experience much fluctuation in the time between, but I have not scale at all for the moment. Bah. I feel better already. Stupid 5HTP will not let me have a bad day like a regular person. I still want you to move here James, getting rid of Miranda is secondary to the glass, but it is a nice bonus. Uehen for now, Sean for later. This rather simple epitaph can save your hide your falling mind Fate isn't what we're up against there's no design no flaws to find There's no design no flaws to find. But I learned fast how to keep my head up 'cause I Know I got this side of me that Wants to grab the yoke from the pilot and just Fly the whole mess into the sea. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: I woke up sore from head to foot, My mind was in a haze, I think I am sick, but I feel great, I blame not eating right for days. For you see, and as it seems, I work best hard with out sleep, When I feel good, I do not eat, Who has time for eating anyway. So I woke, without strength to stand, But got up anyways, Had a shower, ate some oats, Then once again hit the hay. I slept until four, to regain myself, Then made a pot of tea, Now I sit, here and write, But this is all I have to say. Sean/Uehen -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: Hunger makes good salt. Mmm hamburger helper. Sure I put so much white paper on it that I am crying, but mmm... I just got off work, and i have to be back by seven. So if I go to bed this second, I can have six hours of sleep if I let myself be late for work. What a time to start writing... Ugh. I just got a letter in the mail from domo that will cover next months rent. I get paid on Friday... Hmm. Things are looking good for the month of December. Well I managed to go a whole day with out smoking anything. The first day I have not smoked something since... well, before tree planting anyways. It is also the first day I got to bike in the snow. We went from nothing, to a foot in just one day. So long as it stays below freezing until next spring, I will try not to complain. I just do not need is a fine layer of ice covering the city to make my life hell. Snow good, ice bad. Drill my teeth, I do not feel like smoking pot. I feel like I need some tea... but I need sleep. Remember kids, if you are not in your car the only thing you have to tell the cops is your name. If they are not city police, or RCMP then they have nothing on you. If they are not the cops stash your stash in your pocket and walk slowly away. Ignore everything they say. Scream rape if they touch you. Sounds silly? I am sleepy, Sean and Uehen. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: Fuck some people piss me off. I had a friend who got really fucked up on drugs and they ruined his life. You know what? Fuck you! I am tired of arguing with stupid people who counter point their own statements! You have to start doing drugs before they get the chance to fuck you up. If you quit doing them, then they never really had you in the first place did they you stupid bitch! Your friend was most likely fucked from the word go, drugs were just a nice focusing point for blame so that he could have some direction for a while, even if that direction was a downward spiral. Blaming the drugs is easier than taking the blaming yourself. Or myself... And being pro choice is nothing more than that; the freedom of choice. There will be a coffee machine at work tomorrow. I need a tail. Sean or Uehen. Mostly Uehen. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: It takes ten dollars in sales to make one dollar of profit for Rogers. At the end of the average day, we make ten percent profit. After the staff, rent, heat, dental, and all other bills and expenses are paid. 10% Prices adjust to keep these figures. When investing many fallow the rule that if it has shown profit less than ten percent you do not bother investing. In other news. 5HTP makes that first part of the morning, when you have to say to yourself, okay get out of bed, just that much easier. I have the first of many possible meetings with the money lenders tomorrow. To go over my budget, my plan, and what I have to do next. Who knew barrowing ten grand would be such a big deal. I guess it is just because I want it to be a business. Freedom Twenty Four. Mr. Vertical Walls did it before thirty. So some one has stolen a couple of grand worth of crap from the store as far as I can tell. Opening boxes that should have a disk in them that clearly do not. People come into the stores and take off the protection, then take the disk. Just the other day I went to watch An American Tail, you know the one with Fievel Mousekewitz? I opened it up, and there was no disk in it. Ruined my day. The roses bloom from money. The man smokes tobacco Uehen or Sean Blessed in the female, May it be forever worshiped as the temple it is. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:12:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:Um, excuse me? Do I remember Fievel Mousekewitz? Are you smoking crack of course I do. He's the.fucking.cats.pajamas. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:8:32 PM COMMENT-BODY:227-2235 -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Dear Diary, Father made an unexpected visit today. He flew in this morning for a funeral, an old friend from work who was killed in a car crash. Forty five years old with a wife and two children. It was held at the Masonic Temple just down the road, and there were enough people there that we were forced to stand in the main entrance while the sermon was taking place. I got the, “I remember you when you were this big,” from a good thirty people, all of whom worked with my father during his days here. I always complained that my father knew too many people in Saskatoon, but frankly the problem is just as bad here. He is already on his way back home. I also got a new pair of pants and two new shirts today. Visits from the father are always welcome. I got The Sims Two from work, and so far the only thing I have done is made my character have her first lesbian experience. Something makes me think that it is the first thing most people do when playing these games. See how quickly they can make the girls kiss. I played the first one for maybe an hour, and I have yet to spend that much time with this one... something makes me think I never will. Uehen/Sean And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly, from the aeroplane over the sea, but for now we are young, let us lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing we can see. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:2:16 AM COMMENT-BODY:What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

true story...be good now. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Gus @ daly burger 2844944 To call or not to call.... I do not really want to work at a burger joint. No matter how local. So I just broke into the house in less than five minutes, with out damaging anything. I forgot my keys in my other pants and as a result found myself without a traditional means of entry. I am not about to tell you how I did it, but asking the land lord never crossed my mind... Speaking of land lords, he came into Rogers to pay for his cell phone today and did not seem to recognize me. Most times I have seen him with fedora and formal wear, rather than lacky jump suit attire. Really I am only writing this because it feels like it has been a long while since I have posted anything, not because I want too... more killing time until the tea boils. Liars! I like them. The band I mean, not my roommate. Yeah you aren’t getting any more than this. My tea is ready. Uehen/Sean I, I am the boy. She, She is the girl. He, He is the bear. We, We are the army you see through the red haze of blood. Blood, Blood, Blood. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: I have never been one to correct some one in their thinking when it came to something good about me, even if it was entirely undo. That being said I have never done to much to try and change some ill thinkers mind. Have I ever been much on saying about myself? I started thinking about this with all the job interviews going on. I can be really good at selling myself, at removing the doubt from the employers mind that I am just what they need. So how much more can I say. Who reads this anyways! Who are you! The sun makes it hard to look at the monitor. I had better wash some socks. I am all out of clean wooly ones. And frankly, they are all I ware. The Meek shall inherit the earth, after the rich leave for other planets. I finished the missions for Destroy All Humans last night, and I will admit that it was a very tasty experience. Rich in flavor, lovely textures, beautifully rendered. The game informs me that I have not finished the game, as I have not walked around and collected all the little hidden secrets they have on every map. I am not going to walk around and collect anything. What the hell is that anyways? You think you can make your game longer by hiding shit on the level then telling the play to go find it for the sake of finding it? Bah. When I start my new life, I won’t touch the ground. Going to try hard this time, not to touch the ground. Tyler’s computer makes a sound like two tiny bits of metal clinking together. Makes me laugh. What is going on in there? Tiny dwarves doing some metal working with the heat off the processor. Gramophone! Uehen/Sean He only pretends to know what he is talking about. Like everyone else. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:2:29 AM COMMENT-BODY:that reminds me of the little people in the jukebox from shining time station. (the tiny dwarves in tylers computer, that is)
hello three months ago! -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: Well you will get none of my pity! You hear me? I am saving it all for myself! It is my pity, all my self pity. Scatter brain. The first draft says a lot about a person. The second and third revisions get a little clouded. Keep writing everything down eh? Well I have been thinking about that lately as well. I have had a lot of time out here, and a fair bit of hash as well. As said before, and as I will keep saying if for no other purpose than satire, that my greatest fear is that I will not be able to write down my last thoughts as I am dying. That I would want some one else to know, is that not weird? Why am I so possessed with telling you what is on my mind. Well I mean you hear what is on my mind, after I censor, reword and delete most of it. By not posting everything I think I sometimes feel that I am manipulating you into thinking things about me. How much of what I say can you really take at face value? This should only be used as an approximation of who I am, as it is me telling the story. I decide what you believe about me, because I can write it how ever I like. Most times, yeah I am too lazy to proof read even once and just post it. However I usually do not say much in these posts. Or am I just discrediting them so you will over look them yourselves... The ones that I rewrite a dozen times or more often are set up to make you believe what I want you to believe. I can do this, because there is no one to say otherwise. So what do you believe? What do you think I am trying to say with all this? Is this a manipulation tactic as well? I seem to just be exposing the weakness in my own writing, there cannot be anything deeper here... Maybe I am just trying to get you to read more closely to try and find some hidden meaning, and as a result you will make up patterns and extrapolate ideas about me. Coloured by your personal experience, and what you have been told. Maybe I am just hoping you will pick up on that subtle joke, or come to some great realization. Or something. Maybe I am trying to dissuade some of you from reading this. By writing something self contrived and egotistical I will make you believe I am stuck full of myself, and make you realize there is nothing worth reading herein. A Sense Trick Eccentric So I say something, some one laughs, and every now and then they ask, “What is that from?” Back in the day I was always the first one to pull out a Simpson’s quote, and was often times forced to reveal that it was not me behind the genius... like all those lyrics I post and then not tell you who wrote them... it was some one else. I stopped watching the Simpson’s sometime around the end of high school. Then I stopped watching television. I stopped going to movies and listening to the radio. I started to tune pop culture out of my life. I stayed online and read comics, played video games, and pirated music. (Arrg Matis!) Now when they ask, I more often than not, get to claim it as my own. My memory augmentation habit has also maked it hard to remember quotes. I am kind of forced to just keep making it up as I go. I did once get to yell, “THE HOSE,” and push Amanda. Cloud is a stupid spelling. It should be... something else... more festive. Keep writing things down. So why do I feel the need to write this down. Most of my time walking around is spent composing paragraphs in my head. I come up with an idea and then work it out in my head then come write it down. If it is written on paper first it usually does not make it online, I am far too lazy to transcribe anything. That being said, I used to get really annoyed if I did not make it to paper before the idea passed. I felt the need to catalog all of my ideas, in case I need them again later, when I am old and have forgotten how to live. Is that what I am afraid of? I have started to think that writing is not so much important. I write to improve. To analyze myself and collect my thoughts so that I can understand myself, but I do not have to write it down to improve! Do I? Can I not just think, and use my thoughts to build a foundation on, instead of these puny paragraphs. (Lame) I think the English language limits my thinking. When I think, I think in words. Words that are bad at math. And grammar. Thinking is like an internal monolog with me. I can understand my body, I know every feeling in it, but words cannot describe! Ah! Alas I am limited by the medium of my own mind! I am limited by my humble understanding of it; I have only so many words to use at my disposal. Synonymous. Say it out loud. Now use it in a sentence. Feels good. The Italians have words to describe how well their pasta is cooked. Think about that. Well Tyler, I waited, and I talked to you about it. I have not changed my mind; so much as I have decided to talk to her when you are not around. So even if you do take a moment in your busy day to read this, it is most likely too late. On conflict. It really is a love hate relationship with me and conflict. So high energy, requiring dynamic thinking, remaining calm, and not losing focus on your points. Debate taught me well. And StarCraft taught me bringing a tank to a gun fight is the surest way to win a war. Do you ever laugh when you read this? So Beaver and Steve is one of the most amazing comics to come along in a long time. Sing along. It will not take you more than a half hour to read all the archives, and it is worth ever strip of it. http://www.beaverandsteve.com/index.php?comic=1 Steve’s girlfriend has the same name as my room mate. Find out why that is funny on strip five! And do not forget the exciting conclusion on strip six! I do not normally use exclamation marks. I do not normally yell in my head. But I am right now! I blame the Liars. I have been listening to them in an every other album pattern for three days now. Last two weeks it was Frog Eyes who got almost every other play. Belle and Sebastian have been holding on very well, with The White Stripes and Neutral Milk Hotel both almost completely dropping of the radar. I want to get some Dead Kennedy’s. I also want to find out the name of that girl who plays the harp and is really big on the folk festival circuit. High voice singing songs, it haunts me even now, but for all my verbosities I cannot describe it. Eschew obfuscation. It is only funny if you bother to look up the meaning. It is English I assure you. Where is the line between self promotion and selling out, are there standard for online blogs? If I started flaming forums to draw in readers into this blog o mine, would that be shameful? Should I be actively trying to recruit, so that I may have more people to subject to my ranting. Ravings. I could be the walrus. But I would still have to bum rides off people. Uehen/Sean How can I be expected to run in these shoes? Shiny, shiny shoes. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: I fought in a war and I left my friends behind me, To go looking for the enemy, and it wasn't very long, Before I would stand with another boy in front of me, And a corpse that just fell into me, with the bullets flying round, And I reminded myself of the words you said when we were getting on, And I bet you're making shells back home for a steady boy to wear, Round his neck, well it won't hurt to think of you as if you're waiting for This letter to arrive because I'll be here quite a while. Hmmm my blog did not post one of my posts for two days, then it appeared. Strange. I wrote this thinking that the old one did not post. I wonder what I would have said differently if I had thought it had posted, as it has seemed too... bla. Brain Fry. So I got a job at Rogers Video which has resulted in free video games when ever I please them. It also means I can rent a system for free any time. This means even more games are to be had. So I may not have as much free time as I once was privy too. I do not feel like writing much. I felt like wasting some time. Lego has captured me again. It will be ten in the evening and then I will get up to go to the bathroom and it will be five in the morning. This used to happen to me often as a child. I would also fall asleep on my Lego and be forced through the rather painful process of unbricking myself. It sure is easy to just get lost in all. Finding a single piece can bring about the reconstruction of a tower that that took an hour to build. When you get a good idea, you have to just go with it, even if it means leaving or completely taking apart what you were working on. This is my greatest creation. And I already have bigger plans for the next one. I think being out here has really forced me to reexamine some of my habits and tendencies. It has brought about a creative reawakening so to speak. A realization of my old patterns has allowed me to move away from it and towards more dynamic thinking. I have stopped worrying so much about making mistakes. I am going to go. Uehen/Sean I no longer want to be a man, I want to be a horse. Men have some thoughts, I need a tail. Give me a tail. Tell me a tale, Of the children that stood in th -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:21:00 PM ----- BODY: One day I will get to hold the job interviews. I am going to be a pain in the ass to work for, because I am going to expect some one who knew at least as much as I did. Skirt or not. Q: do you know of any local, rare... things? hard to find once and a whilers? A: iv got a bunch of salvia extract Q: So do I..... *shivers* No more... no more... I have salvia flash backs. I did not know what a flash back was until salvia left her lipstick on my cheek. Every now and then when I touch my face, I can still feel it. Cold, elusive, and unknowable. Salvia is Fucked. You really have no idea what the mind is capable of. How for out of yourself your own mind will retreat to. To get away from that nameless nightmare. From that sleepless dream, that haunts my mind like a creaky chair. Creak creak. Haha... ahh I am lame. But seriously here folks, do not try salvia until you are prepared to watch the world unmake itself before you mind. *Shivers* I do not expect my employees to have tried salvia. Unless we start to sell it of course. I am getting a head of myself. I do not even have a job myself yet. Well I have Rogers tomorrow. Soon I will unmake existence. Oh yeah, and I thought of a contender for company name, A Sense Trick Glass. Or Since 1983. Both good names if I may be so bold to proclaim. I am still open to ideas if you have them. Leave a note with suggestions! Ahh. I decided to ask myself, what would Tyler do, and as such I find myself waiting and thinking as apposed to the yelling I had planned. She knows I am up set for some reason, and had come to the conclusion that she had to talk to me a lot as a result of that. A blank stare and continuing to build my Lego fortress eventually encouraged her to leave me alone. It has been the day and I still want to yell at her. Let us see how I feel in the morning. So for some reason I had thought that I knew about all the good online comics. I mean, I read enough of them that I am fairly well covered. Or so I thought. In just this last week I have found Beaver and Steve, ah more on that later. http://www.beaverandsteve.com/ Sean/Uehen -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:2:22 PM COMMENT-BODY:I would call a glass-blowing company "Green Glass Door" but that's just me. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Who would have thought lying to my face would have been one of my buttons. I heard Miranda’s cell phone go off but decided to skip the morning ritual, and not go jump in the shower before her. Twenty minutes later I started thinking that she was having a really long shower. Forty five minutes later I was wondering if it was going to end. Then it did. So after waiting an additional fifteen minutes waiting for the sound of the bathroom door to open, I got up and knocked. “Have fun having a cold shower, some one turned down the hot water.” “What?” I proclaimed. “I had to have a cold shower.” “The whole time?” I inquired. “Yes.” She lied. If the steam on the window and mirror had not been there, she still could not have hid that red burnt skin colour you get from sitting in a hot tub. The rush of warm humid air past me and down the stairs. I do not know how to turn the water on the water heater down. So that rules me out, and leaves Tyler and Miranda. Why would Tyler turn the water heater down? Only in the possibility he foresaw this future and set this whole thing up... a cunning plan... but Tyler runs into parked cars on his bike, so I doubt he has any prescience abilities. Which mean even if it was true and she did have a cold shower the whole time, it was her who turned the fucking thing down. I could not see myself in the mirror when I first disrobed, and when I was done my shower, I could see clearly. I do not mind cold showers, I was all about the cold shower this summer. But that being said I do not like being lied to my face in my house for no other reason, than my room mate did not want to own up to using all the hot water. She is greedy, she is a liar, and she is a red neck. I hope she is wise enough to say not a single word more to me, for a good long while. Sometimes I wonder if I just wait for excuses to yell at people. I can be pretty good at it, but mostly because I prepare. I think about what they are going to say. Angles they will deflect back with and how to counter act. Being prepared however does not always mean I will yell at some one. I often decide against it. So when I do, I usually have my shit together. But now I realize, as every Christian child one day realizes, guilt is the most cutting weapon. I am going to tell her how I see the future, from where I am standing. I am going to tell her the plan for the next few months. Uehen/Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Ugh, it is only noon? So I crashed the business meeting and it turns out that it was nothing that I did not already learn from their web site. Out of the hour and half presentation the only thing I got out of it was the difference between a business mentor and an artistic mentor. I had been worried that they wanted me to hang out with another lamp worker, but it turns out they just want me to hang out with another businessman. I gave them a rough draft of my business plan, and I should be getting a call back about it sometime today I hope. I also went down to the zoning department and talked to them for a while. Then I spent an hour explain what a lamp was to the people in business licensing. Everyone seems to be more worried about the kiln than the lamp... good ol misleading language. So I need to register a business name, then I can get a business loan, but while that is all going on I need the zoning department to give me the okay, and it all costs money. I got to have my first, “but they just sent me to you,” moment, and I have a feeling I may be in store for a whole lot more. The roses bloom from money. I got a lot done today. The ball is in their court for now. Give me money! I will give it back I promise! Their youth business loans rock, I only have to pay back the interest for the first year, and frankly speaking if I cannot pay back most of the loan in the first year I am not going to be happy. Rent, Food, Pot, Loan. Descending ordered of importance. Teacher: Okay class, just to dispel any play ground confusion on the matter, Back words day is November twenty third. Student: But that is a Saturday. Teacher: That is correct, so in the spirit of the day you will all be coming to school that day. There will also be a math test. If it takes Mary forty minutes to walk to Jane’s house, and she leaves at three forty what time does she arrive. So I got the Lego out. And if you call it legos so help me god I will cut you. I can already see that this is my finest creation. Almost two feet tall and I have hardly put a dent in my supply. My goal is to use every piece I have in a fortress. THE MANA FORTRESS!!! I can see how I have already developed over the course of the evening, breaking away from old patterns and styles I developed during my youth. I have given up the self imposed rules, or ideals I once had about how a fortress should be built. I have, take these old styles to heart, and still use them where I think it adds greatest affect but mostly I have allowed myself to simply flow around the creation as it slowly shows itself into a monolithic testament to being bored and stoned. I build little jokes into the walls of the castle itself, things that I am sure only I would find funny. Patterns repeating themselves in a giant construction build for the sole intent of holding a door in floating in the air. So if it take Mary fourty minutes to walk to Jane’s house and she leaves at three fourty what time will Mary arrive at Jane’s? Uehen/Sean -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:2:14 AM COMMENT-BODY:When we die I hope there is some one who makes us fulfill all our promises. So once again you will love me, and I may be reborn.

The Cup of Wishes -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: People who work out are performers. Whether for themselves or for others, it is just a simpler performance. Oh god. I try not to think about it. How my future hangs on the balance of two entities. The Men With Money, and my nigger James Brown. It makes me want to freak out a little. Yay for businessman. I have a seminar tomorrow at nine in the morning at the Cargailed Building. Seems they have meetings for people like me on a regular basis. Would a suit be too much? Or would it be the perfect tool for begging for money. Oh the roses bloom from money. I did not figure a new computer into my budget. I wonder if I can get the rbc to hold the loan for me, and then get another loan out on top of that one... incase I ever need an extra five grand for something. Ugh. My head hurts. Kind of makes me want to punch Miranda. Well I cannot hit Tyler, I like Tyler. What is the weather like. It hurts a little inside when I give thanks, for those ten degrees above freezing. Long johns rock. So does Bella and Sebastian. I met a fifty year old woman whose two favorite bands were Korn and Metallica. You meet some crazy people pumping gas. Now I work at rogers video. Soon I will work for myself! Muahahahahahaaa... ahhh I need money. I hate money. It is like a hate, hate relationship. I hate that I do not have enough, and I hate people who do. Hate is such a strong word, but money fits so nicely into that black place within my heart. Makes me feel punchy. Bah! They just called and said the seminar is full. Hmm. I am going to go anyways. Marijuana: Crutch or Cure-all? More on that next time. Uehen or Sean -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY:

I have never been bothered,

leaving those behind,

who did not fallow,

when I started walking.

Thinking mushrooms.

They do parlor tricks as well.

Another day another job offer.

I love Vanessa. She offered me a job today. It being out in Victoria I think I may have to wait on it, but it is nice to know I am wanted all across the western half of Canada. Wanted dead along the east coast. Getting a loan may get a little more personal that I would like. Getting a bigger loan to pay off the first few payments is a rather scary idea. Starting a business is a lot of hard work, and a lot of being careful about not stepping on the wrong toes. Never minding the work I will have to do once everything is green lights. Products... Vanessa said she would buy some of my stuff if I was having a hard time finding buyers for the first while.

Earrings. I am going to make you kids some crazy earrings. Why are they called earrings when they need not be rings? Ear pendants too many syllables? One day there will be a law against misleading language. No more self defeating clauses!

High school was totally about lunch. What better times were had from eight until three than the time we had for lunch? From gaming at Owens, movies with Ellis, and the couch in the SRC, lunch is what high school was totally about.

Throwing stones at Christians is so second century. Picking on religious people is like shooting fish in a barrel. Who ordered the popes benedict anyways?

Hope to be. I can already see myself becoming set in my ways, if I really look back analyzing my life I can see the trends starting to flush themselves out long ago. There is a certain lack of surprise in who I have become. Right now, as I feel my roots go deeper, and my bark get thicker; I can only hope to become something I will not hate later. I have to try and mold myself into what I want to be, so that when I do stagnate I can at least be proud of these roots and the history that holds my life off the ground.

My friends and I are just growing up to replace all the liars and drunks that we have always hated, and there are problems. Problems with everything.

Take that Saskatoon! I am taking James Brown with me! Muhahaha... And now that we are splitting the rent another way we can finally afford to heat the place.

This days post is brought to you by too much caffeine. I have not been able to order my words lately, to the point of being openly mocked by Tyler. I will get them all out in the sentence, sure, but all mixed up. Yeah I am going to stop now and get some füd form the shoppe.

And I have never had much trouble,

Knowing when it was time to go.

Uehen/Sean

All is quiet, except for this song. So maybe while I am not together I can feel like I am not alone. And somewhere off in the distance, rapidly advancing is an onslaught of sorts. Young sirens wail with a skewed sense of glory. And the lions in the cages roar at the memory of flight. And there is a joy, a joy in all I can see. A joy, in every possibility.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:3:36 PM COMMENT-BODY:I heart Against Me!
I tried to say it without sounding excited, but that exclamation mark gets me ever time. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY:

Fuck that! I do not get to spend even one day with out a job! Not one day can I call myself an entrepreneur, working for my business plan! Can I not go a day with out some one offering me a job?

Oh well, that just means I need to get it all done now.

Uehen/Sean

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY:

I will be the sole proprietor of the manufacturing business ‘Since 1983’ to be run out of his home. Primarily manufacturing Pyrex products the business will be split into focusing on two different sections of the market place. Manufacturing pyrex jewelry, ornaments, and dishware are to be the primary focus for the first year, with pyrex paraphernalia being secondary. There is also the potential of expanding into lab equipment in the coming years.

The demand for glass products has always been there, but due to the initial investment costs few artisans have bothered to take it up as a career. The market is largely untapped with a few exceptions being for that of relatively low quality imports. As a result of the quality issue many retail outlets are often reluctant to import as you do not get a chance to see what it is you are buying until it arrives, and as no two pieces are ever the same you often end up with surprises. In my experience working for one such retailer I would often find glass with design flaws, and was then forced through a lengthy and costly return of the item, only to have something else unexpected arrive. By developing a face to face relationship with local merchants, I will be able to provide a better quality of service, and will be better equipped to handle special orders with out having to undercut the competition. This allows me to maintain my profit margins, save the retailer on shipping expenses, and provide fast reliable service.

The first three months of operations will consist of finalize a working product line, and establishing a customer base with local merchants. Initial development stages have already been under way for almost a year, and my initial market surveys of potential retail outlets has been very promising, with interest from both independently owned and franchise outlets. I worked as the manager of one such outlet for almost a year and have extensive experience with the inner workings of such businesses, as well as a firm understanding of the demand within the market place.

Within the first year I hope to be able to expand and hire another artisan to work manufacturing with me, and then hire or contract out a traveling sales representative to expand my customer base in other cities. A book keeper will likely be needed at this point as well.

Three years in I will start looking into renting a small storefront, phasing out some of the local merchants to draw in more business to my own outlet. Manufacturing in the space itself will allow for custom orders to be produced onsite and adds tourist value to the store. Hiring retail staff and training other lamp workers to manufacture will allow for an increase in productivity and allow for export into other cities. This will also allow for the possibility of expanding other outlets in other provinces with the same gimmick of having the studio in the store itself. Each store would also serve as an art gallery for local artists.

Not a bad first draft, eh? Still has a lot of work to go into it through.

So the plan is to hide behind other retail outlets while I hone my skills, then as soon as I am worthy, bam! Cut off the supply to my time companions turned competition and move out on my own and take all the customers with me! Muahaha. How else could I make some one else pay for my education? Sure I may not be that good now, but how many days is it going to take me to learn how to weld two bits of glass together? I successfully shaped a symmetrical glass bowl in two days, and glass blowing is a world harder than lampworking let me tell you. Let them sell it for me until I can sell it myself. Muahahaha...

If you have any ideas for my company name please post it in the comments, I have made it so you do not need a blogger account to spam my space. On the other hand.

Bird Flu? Why the hell is everyone so fucking afraid of bird flu? It has only been around since 1997. AIDS got on its way back in 1978 and I do not hear any one freaking out about it mutating. Who is to say that a virus so widely spread over a massive population base will not mutate so that it can live in human saliva? Something it has a hard time doing. Then what if some one sneezed on you, and you got AIDS?

And all the other things we do not like to think about.

Honey is bee vomit, and ultimately tastes like what ever they ate. This wild flower honey is almost beyond comprehension. It turns tea to gold. Bees vomit goodness.

Sometimes Tyler worries that he is not funny. Sometimes I worry that Tyler is not funny.

Haha. Burn.

I am just glad she has learned not to make me tell her no all the time. It may not have been the first thing she learnt, but it is the most appreciated. Ugh I just read the history of AIDS. that truely is of all thoes other things we do not like to think about.

Which brings me to all the killing that has been going on. So some stupid jock was in the wrong place at the wrong time and caught a bullet. Every one freaking out panic! Oh my god! A white child of suburbia dead! Call out the guard! Increase the jail time! That will surely discourage them from committing crimes!

Firstly this kid was walking around the north end at night, he should have known better. People get killed there all the time. Secondly gang members do not think they are going to jail, and often are heard to remark, “I cannot believe this,” when they are getting arrested. So how is telling them they are going to jail for a longer period of time going to stop them if they do not think they are going in the first place? You can lock up the entire north end but they will just stab each other in prison. People do not change, we are just people.

Stabby stabby.

And all my problems disappeared.

So I went into Record Trader today with the intent of finding a reasonably priced record for me to listen to whilst I wrote my business plan. There had been many albums which I intended for myself when last I was there, so hopes of finding some devilish delight coursed over my be-ing, only to be doused with a cold bucket of over priced half interests. I guess I will take a trip downtown tomorrow for searchings of some heavenly high fidelity after dealing with the phones for the morning. Most of my albums are of the seventy five cent variety, few of which I can listen to more than once in a day, or week. There are albums I can listen to with seemingly endless repetition, and it annoys me that I have not them in the pressed style.

It would be wrong of me to continue.

Uehen/Sean

And the villagers knew the forbidden ways of the ghost shark. And that they must answer to him before anything else—the ghost shark

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: I see...

The word processor is making me write on a half sized screen of paper and I can do nothing to change it. All normal reasoning has left me with nothing more than a half screen. Why can I not fix this? Stupid Microsoft.

I have been very good with not spending any money up until today. I spent forty dollars on honey. The kind the bees make. I spend more than that on pot and rent, but some how this feels different. What are we going to do with four kilograms of honey, a half kilo of honey fruit spread, and two tiny bottles of rare white honey? Well drink it of course. We are also going to look into getting a bottle of Mead and get hammered off honey, as that is something I have never done, and will forgive the alcohol for accounts with the honey.

Tomorrow is the end of Domo Days.

So this girl at that was sent to take over after my shift arrives an hour early and did almost all my work for me. Cash out and all. It took us fifteen minutes to finish what normally would have taken over an hour. I commented that she was working hard, to which she replied, “I do what I’m paid for.” I always thought that is what I had been doing. As little as possible.

Desirer to write fading,

Tea and honey amazing,

Havin no job don’t phase me,

Cuse getting stoned,

Makes me lazy.

Not bad for something I wrote on the run. Can I like my own writing? When do I have to draw the line between narcissism and self loathing? I always down play my own writing, and rarely tell any one that I even keep this site updated. I do not think any one if my family knows. Is it vain to want some one to read and enjoy this? Look how witty I am! I described something ordinary in an unusual context to bring a new perspective to something that annoys me. I feel like Danny Finkleman only with out the 45’s.

Ooo obscure CBC reference. So witty.

Spent the last two days listening to the CBC at work. It is better than the other stations true, but they still have their fair share of bull malarkey. Like radio call in shows about gardening. I do not care that some wheezing old woman does not know when to plant her fucking begonias. Go the library if you do not have the internet goddamnit. Why not let the expert just talk about what he loves for an hour instead of polluting the air with dullards. The most interesting things to come of the program came when he broke away from the callers and ranted about how Fire Willow is the perfect sight obscuring shrub for winter and summer thanks to its beautiful colorings, and rapid growth.

Uegh, i just read the last post i posted and it was horrible. I cannot believe myself sometimes. Well I am done trying to entertain you. It is time to get blunted.

Uehen/Sean

Take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more. My woman done left, An' took all the reasons I was workin' for. You better not to try to stand in my way, As I'm a walkin' out the door. Take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Sure, I fucked up the negotiations big time, but what ever. If they want to give me shit I am just going to grab it, slap it between two slices of toast with mustard and have myself a shit sandwich!

So she shows up and I am feeling all edgy, pangs of fear, doubt, and all those other good things so I allow her time to finish her job, and for me to steady my nerves. The I launch into it, pretty much word for word on what I practiced, but I realize now I have much to learn about negotiation. She takes everything I say as a personal offence, which is not new, and is something I should have taken into account. I am on top of her and down her throat before she can catch her breath. She panics, and freaks out at me almost crying. She hears what I has to say and tries to change my mind. I stand fast, and she leaves, pissed off.

I got the record player working last night and it felt right to have “Wish You Were Here” as the debut house album.

I am going to do something else now.

Uehen/Sean

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: I rarely promise anything. I piranhas many things, but you have to say it out loud to get it.

I am a very blessed individual. I do not need any one to remind me of all I have been given, from my upper middle class family, to my education, to having all ten fingers, and all ten toes. I live in the greatest country on earth, breath the cleanest air, and drink the purest water. I have been blessed with understanding, a quick enough wit, and the ability to rise to most any occasion. I have so much potential, I can see so much opportunity, and yet I work in a gas station. I am wasting the only days of life I will ever get working in a gas station. They treat me like a criminal. They insult me with their policies. And they pay me a hair more than minimum wage.

The risks evolved in this job are as personal as the insults, but I have made a promise. Do not endanger the house. Do nothing that would even potentially risk our lives here. For it is more than my life here, it is Tyler’s as well. For this reason, I bite my tongue. For this reason, I let the blood flow back and down my throat. I only hint at job dissatisfaction, and do all the stupid tasks they ask.

I see my coworkers, and I start to understand a good many things about the human condition. They have jobs, so why look for one? It would be too hard to look for something when you already have a job anyways. They are happy being trapped in those holes, unwilling it seems, to look up and see the light obscured. The guy I worked with today has not received a raise in the four plus months he has worked for Domo, and he is afraid to ask for one. Trapped in your hole, tossed scraps of bread, but if it was not for our charity, you would be dead! They are, as it stands, short staffed. They want me to work sixteen hours tomorrow. I laughed heartily. They need more employees. They need me.

Thus my plan is, (after receiving approval from Tyler of course,) to lay it all on the line.

Hey, ahh, I have a proposal I know you are going to hate. I mean, even right now as I say this I know you are going to hate it, and I almost feel bad, but then I think about it and I don’t. I want a raise to eight fifty, but I want it to be a retro active raise, so that is as if I have been paid eight fifty from the start. I want a bonus that is going to cover any of those mistakes you say I’ve made, and I want you to tell me I can have all these things before the end of Monday, or I won’t be back for work on Tuesday.

I know you can’t do that, so go ask some one who can. I’m still on probation right? I don’t need a reference. If you decide I am not worth it, so be it.

The reasons. Eight fifty! How can Sean sell himself for eight fifty? Well because I do not plan on being there too much longer and it is a number I think they will say yes too. If I can get a retroactive raise it will have made it all the more worth while, and hold me over until I get my loan.

Ah I love Vanessa! I just got her message and she gave me fatties number. She also told me to call her back and talk about glass. The local head shop would not give me fatties number because they are all paranoid and think I am out to ruin their business. Funny how our fears manifest themselves simply because we fear them. As it is now my personal mission to destroy city haul. Dun dun dun. Feeling good about the future, I think it is going to be alright. Feeling good about the future, the beams of success are breaking through the night.

The more I think about it, the more I think I can. The more I think about it, the more I Pakistan.

John and Chris

250 4788 226

You know what finally did it for me and Christianity? The day I realized I was not the pinnacle of all creation. I was not the sum of all things manifested in the likeness of god. Weak and infected by disease, desire, greed. Mindless and blind. We are imperfect, unfinished. A creation so flawed, not even god could love. It was the realization of other options, multiple possibilities, and wisdom in the weakness.

Rogers Video at 420

Pembina and Stafford

Four twenty! What the hell? Do these people already know who I am?

Interview! Woot!

Uehen/Sean

He raped me in the chalet lines I had just said no for the final time Although it's last month it's like yesterday I missed my time, I don't think I could stand To take the test, I'm feeling sick Fuck this, I've felt like this for a week I'd put a knife right into his eyes My friend can't see She asks me why I don't Tell the law Oh what's the fucking point at all

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:1:01 PM COMMENT-BODY:stop working at a gas station. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 12:01:00 PM ----- BODY: Holding this child in my arms broke my heart. The sideways smile and big blue eyes that went on forever. The future I could see for him, the future that has already gripped his generation. In the warmth of my mother house with carrots and potatoes, I am raked by grief looking into those eyes. I fear for my mothers influence on him. I fear for the influence of his drunken grandfather. I fear for the influence of the methamphetamines his mother took while she was pregnant.

I look into those eyes and I can feel only despair.

I tried not to think about the seizures that would contort that innocent face. I tried not to think about the massive central nervous system damage he had suffered as a result of his mothers sins. I have been trying not to think about it. I have been trying not to think about it. I have been trying not to think about it.

and I can feel only despair.

I think of how indifferent I am to the suffering of those around me. I think how I would not care if he was in his thirties and had done it to himself. I think about all the idle bondage he will suffer at the hands of his peers, for being slower, for being different. I think of the road that he walks into this future.

only despair.

How do I feel about abortion. Adoption. The lives we leave behind us, so that we may sleep at night. Would his life have been better for him if he had never come to be. Is his suffering reason enough to live, or die? His cards had been dealt for him before he was born, short changed from day one, but I cannot ask for his life to be renounced. I could not leave him behind.

despair.

uehen

and for the four-year-old girl found dead in a dumpster shot by her mother, her eulogy, the sound of construction through head-to-head traffic today is just another day.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: It is like a book of car crashes, on each new page you think the next picture could not possibly be worst, and then there it is. They find a way to shock you again.

I realize now that I have no place at a gas station.

I got praise from the head CEO guy for Winnipeg today. The Gas Baron himself came up and pretended he was a customer. It was busy, so he did not care that I did not wash his wind shield. He came up after and congratulated me, then helped out for a while. Then an old woman yelled at him for not doing the discount coupon right. He was amazed I have only been working six shifts.

I will use it to ask for a raise if things go wrong today. Ich, I do not want to think about that.

I love old people. They cannot drive, or add, they smoke too much and insist on paying with as many pennies as they can muster. I love the smokers, and their anal stance on only smoking Players Light 100’s. Addiction is the spice of life. I love counting. At the end of every shift, you have to count every chocolate bar, every pack of chips, every pack of gum, every can of pop, every paper, every pack of smokes, and every everything that there is in the store. Everything, counted, at the end of every shift. It is so we do not steal, which I take as a personal insult to my intelligence.

As any fool can see how easy it is to set some one up for the blame...

They bog you down with so much paper work to stop you from stealing that I know there is no way some one is going over my numbers unless something goes wrong. Not that I am doing anything wrong, I want them too look at me walking away for the last time and feel bad about losing me. I have been trying to be the best employee I can be. As a test for myself, sort of. To see if I can hold an insult on my tongue without spitting... or swallowing. I want to be in the position to demand a raise if I am forced back to work there tomorrow. Ich.

Faith faith faith.

Happy birthday James! (A day late)

I called twice but you were not home. I am smoking a blunt for you after my interview. When are you moving to Winnipeg?

Relax.

Deep breath. I must remain calm. Alert. Ready.

I finally know what I can say as my greatest weakness. Math! Well I would have to say math is my greatest personally weakness, if I do not have a calculator, or some paper I get confused adding numbers. So long as I have something to write on I will be fine, but do not trust any of the numbers to come strictly from my head.

A good weakness, as it is not really that applicable. When will I have to be counting cheese with out paper or calculator?

One hour. I will leave in twenty minutes.

Best get everything organized.

Bike, lock, hat, bag, pants, shoes, shirt, sweater, ready, set go. Too bad it is raining out.

Stupid old people

reminding me of my own mortality!

You have had your time!

More than most will ever get to see!

Stop reminding,

Of my own mortality!

The Perry Bible Fellowship

Some times I wish my eyes would turn blue from all the tea I drink.

I told my work that I had a doctors appointment at two, so I needed off at one, so by two forty five I was on the verge of freaking out because the math was killing me, but I let my manager believe that it was because I was going to be “late.” Making me late for something else sets a bad example, as work itself is something that you should be on time for. My interview is not until four. Of course. So with a little luck, and a lot of charm I will be able to give a detailed report to them on the failings of their training program during my exit interview. Spare no feelings. Feel no guilt. Work some place else. Any place else.

I would rather be calling Americans to inform them to their unpaid credit card bills than supporting terrorism 75 litres at a time.

It would make a good bumper stickers to slap on the back of SUVs. ”I support terrorism Seventy five litres at a time.” You could put it over a faded back ground of American flag blending with a Saudi Arabian flag. I also want to make stickers that say, “Save our Trees, No Flyers Please.” And then go around and put them on everyone’s mail box. The idea being that only the people who really, really want flyers will take the time to peal them off their mail box. I had better go. I want to have a good fifteen minutes to dry my pants before the interview.

Uehen today Sean tomorrow.

ADDED THREE HOURS LATER:

Asking for Less.

Oh terrible fate.

Sometimes the circumstances will only allow you so much victory. Dare I call it victory. I feel my bad day hanging on my mind and I feel that I have answered all your questions incorrectly. It was not a normal interview. None of the normal questions. My best rehearsed pieces left on the side lines while the third string fumbled every play. Maybe I am being hard on myself. I did make him smile. October thirty first, is when I will know if I am free. If I am able to leave this job behind me. I did make him smile. A month is a long time to wait for an answer, and he seems forgetful. I guess that means that I will have to track him down again in two weeks to remind him why I am the answer to all his problems.

So in my lull after the interview I make myself feel better by going to Kustom Kulture and reading ad busters. Ich. So much crappy glass.

Unhappy would be a good way to describe me right now. I am so rarely unhappy. Oh sure, I am rarely jubilant but... ahh. I do not want to work at a gas station. Much less this gas station. My grasp on the English language and my ability to learn everything about something is so perfectly suited for cheese and wine.

Irony.

Even cancer needs a home.

No future, no future, no future.

If I died in the summer time.

October is summers last stand.

The last hope for a few more sunny days.

I hate this damned tilting axis, why do the trees have to die?

I just got off the phone with Andrew. Nothing good has ever come of some one named Andrew. I am the bloody golden boy of the fucking gas station. I left all the paper work for him to do after I was running “late” and it was a hundred or so odd dollars short, but he was all to insistent that I not worry about it. Don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it. All would be forgiven so long as I kept working away.

Why did the day have to turn so sour.

I realize now that the bar is rather high in the expectation department over there, but seeing as I work at a gas station the hurdles still only need to be stepped over. You can see the decline from what they have in our Team Members Jump to the Pump manual, to what they tell us during training, to what your fellow employs will admit, to what is really going on.

Where will you run when there is no ground?

Relax Sean, we will hand out some more resumes Wednesday morning.

I have come this far, may as well go a little further.

Uehen/Sean

Some one who claims to believe in nothing, obviously believes in something, but will only bring it up, when trying to make a point in an argument.

-Tyler on his favorite type of anarchist.

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Caitypants McMooneyface COMMENT-DATE:11:23 PM COMMENT-BODY:Hey Monkey-butt. What's new?
PS. You stink. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Now I have been thinking about addiction a lot lately. Working in a drive through cigarette store makes you really understand the sheer number of smokers that there are out there. It is baffling to me, but I have vices of my own, so...

What is the difference?

Love, I would argue. Addiction is love, or perhaps love causes addiction. The feelings I have felt in the longing for a loved one is not so different from the feeling I have right now in my patent expectation, waiting the live long day for that first bong blast.

Many of my customers are so busy unwrapping their package of cigarettes that they do not realize that I am trying to give them their change. I have been home for about fourty minutes so far, and while my tea is steeping I have done nothing to satisfy my desire to get high. The time between desire and reaching out to grab it.

You see I love marijuana, so I make it a part of my life. It was on a fate filled Canada day that I first meet Mary Jane. In the woods by Diefenbaker, I kissed her lightly, and she hugged my mind all night as we sat on a blanket and watched the fireworks. It was beautiful. So we started to see each other on weekends, at parties. I think she was the reason I became social, going to out just to see her again. It was not until the summer after high school that we really got serious through, and I started seeing her every day. Since then my life and hers have been pretty tightly interwoven, from buying and selling to Bobs and my pursuit of glass. She has been with me every step of the way. I would be lost without her relaxed perspective. Through the good times and the bad, she has always been there and never let me down. She is celebration, and reason to celebrate. She is my first true love.

So here is to you,

the leaves you grew,

the flowers that bloom,

and a never ending love.

My Mary Jane.

Uehen/Sean

Pot will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no pot.

- The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: I’m annoyed, and my state of mind allows me to put my body on auto pilot and think. Then I started thinking about what I had done since I got home. I got in the door turned on the computer, put water on to boil for tea, then frog eyes, then I got high. Oh addiction. It is funny how our body does what it wants when we let it.

Oh sweet Gemini Jesus.

I came home, in a bad mood. I looked around the gas station, and I saw a self enforced prison. I looked around that place, saw through their paper work, saw through the spy tactics, and felt trapped their by money. Then I called Moe back, got a hold of him and soon may have a new job.

947 9084 - Moe - Monday at Four. Either Cheese or Wine. I should get my hair trimmed. Nah, I’ll do it myself.

So I was in a bad mood and going to rant about how horrible it is to be forced to work at a gas station. Making outlandish remarks about how society is like a game of janga, and how social reform is needed in order to maintain the survivability of everything. How until every ones base needs were meet we would never progress to the next level. Think Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

But now i am in a good mood so I am going to read Dune and think hopeful thoughts.

Uehen/Sean

Do you make good money? I make some rope, When you listen, think of money. How it dries very ground. All the roses bloom from money. Put it in twist it in, Twist the bills, Watch the transfiguration, I know it will make your head spin, What we do with money, Oh I found it makes your head spin, What we do with money, Did you love the oasis, The first two chapters sang. I’m a forest, I’m a fascist, Knowing I can turn it. Are you transcending, The thing that signifies, Oh my life. Promise not to sing the word, To fallow, You’ve got science, We have science, I have reason for defiance, We got science via science, I know it will make your head spin, What we do with money, Oh I found it makes your head spin, what we do with money.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY: Or The Power In Faking It Until You Make It I am not ready to write this. I am being vague. I always think I am being a narcissist for writing anything personal, so being vague makes it better. I am kind of an idiot. If DEET touched my skin while I was tree planting, it was only as a result of standing down wind of an aerosol can. I did not use bug spray once all season. I had bug spray, I got some from MEC, and my dad sent me some in a care package. It was a test for myself, ignore the bugs. For the first few freezing nights in Northern Saskatchewan I did pile my clothing under my sleeping bag to keep off the ground, but the rest of the season was spent sleeping directly on the ground. Yet for as hard core as all that is I still planted slowly. Oh planting... For all the hateful feelings, for all the angry words, I could not hate the trees. There were planters who cursed them, and I did as well, but more as a colloquial slang than out of any spiteful feeling. I looked over fields that stretch as far as the eye could see of newly planted saplings. I could look down from hill tops and see the patch work pattern of growing trees. Squares cut out of the middle of forests. I could see the six metre tall piles of uncollected lumber, and the six metre diameter rings of rubble left over from a controlled burn all spaced out evenly along the logging roads. Yet despite it all I could not help but wish luck for every tree I planted. I hated planting places that I knew they would not survive. To just stand on a log and look out over the land. If I have ever said a prayer for anything it was for the trees in those fields. How strange it is to be anything at all. So now I go from the bottom feeding tree planter, to the evil oil crisis gas jockey. From one industry I am ethically apposed to, in light of the availability of higher fiber yielding annual crops, to another industry run on the blood of disenfranchised people. The sullier of our skies and waters. When they were going over safety then asked every one if they knew how to pump gas, and I was the only one who had not ever pumped gas before. I have sold my soul for twenty five cents over minimum wage. They make it so hard to believe in anything. So I am forced to play the game and try to believe in nothing until I am able to achieve my goals. Persistence over comes resistance, But my success here was given to me, Not won. Tossing their guns to the ground, they accidentally shot Peter. I am a little afraid of the future. Things are good, and the future is looking mighty uncertain. My plans at the moment hinge on a few uncontrollable variables. Predictable they may prove to be, but for now uncertain. A) Profits, my tree planting money has depleted faster than anticipated. I want to maintain an emergency fund incase I need to book it to Europe for some reason. I have a job now, but if my initial calculations are correct I am still only going to have two hundred dollars of useable income. B) Costs, a loan, to pay for a workable lampworking studio, including all supplies and fuel. Rent, heat, and food we accounted into my calculation, so I exclude them from things like marijuana, movies, shows, gum, news papers, and the loan on top of that, things may get tight. C) Other Obstacles, working full time. It looks like I am going to be the 7am to 3pm Monday to Friday gas jockey at domo gas. Working at a gas station would be cooler if they sold propane. A studio. I need to convince Tyler to trade bedrooms with me, so I can trade his bedroom for Miranda’s. Her room is twice the size of mine and could be converted into a beautiful bedroom studio. Also the propane that has to be kept outside could be kept in the back yard and come in on lines through the bedroom window. I am willing to bribe the both of you some how, possibly with sex. Or things made of glass... If I am working full time how am I going to spend six hours in front of the torch a day? Mind you I cannot think of much else to do around here. I need to find a smoking buddy. I cannot remember ever not having a smoking buddy. Mind you I have made this ounce last for a really long time. Ugh. Too many bong hits. I made chi tea to make it better but ugh. Too many bong hits. My worry. Money. I hate money. I hate money more than I hate television. I hate what it makes me do, and I hate my dependence on it. I hate that I cannot get away from it. That I will never be free of it. Tree planting was about money, but it was just numbers. I will never be one of the great planters because I do not have the greed. You can see it in the eye of ever high baler. Of ever vet. The lust for money. Greed. I was just as happy to be outside on a beautiful day that paid for itself in an hours work. I could live and know that the work I did that day had paid for the meal I ate for dinner, and not care after that. It was my closest brush with freedom. This thing more than anything else made me love tree planting. All my hands can do, is fold themselves in the valleys, in the corridors, on the ceilings, over you. A glimmer of hope in the land of the free. Uehen/Sean I still think of her when I am sick and tired of all the other stupid girls. I think of her all the time. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:jessica COMMENT-DATE:1:47 AM COMMENT-BODY:hello,
(this is jessica - i used to have an actual journal here, however, as i am certainly still me, i've deleted all that once was here.)
i saw an against me! album at the record store yesterday, and thought of you. (as i will probably always do when i see or hear against me!)

and then i thought of the time we tried to play clue. but were too incoherent to remember any of the rules, so we each took a guess. and were clearly both wrong, because we hadn't even played yet.

of course, clue and against me (!) have nothing to do with each other. but.
how are the times over there? the times over here are all right. -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY:

Tree planting was the best worst experience of my life. I love hated every minute of it. From chucks of ice falling from the sky, to chunks off ice on a stick. Everything is a simple matter of perspective. You just have to learn to love it, and I guess I did. Olsen’s was a great place to learn the ropes, the foremen made sure none of the rookies pick up any of the bad habits, and the vets were always willing to lend a hand. For a wonderful season, I thank them all, even if Jeff is an ass hole.

That is what I posted as my comment.

I wanted to write something special, or whatever, but then I decided to just do it quickly.

I’m tired of your sexy sexy eyes. Lies! Of your lies!

I hold myself back.

Why do I always fall into those deep blue pools of enchanting mysterious wonder.

I used to blame all of you, but really if I think of it, I may as well tell you right?

Nah. Fuck off.

I’m going to play Starcraft.

Uehen.

Pot will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no pot.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY:

red·neck

n. Offensive Slang

1. Used as a disparaging term for a member of the white rural laboring class, especially in the southern United States.
2. A white person regarded as having a provincial, conservative, often bigoted attitude.

Recently however I have adopted a definition first put forward to me by Seth. A red neck is one who makes fun of things that they do not understand. Rednecks exist in both political spectrums, both genders, and can be found in all walks of life. I like his definition as it can be applied to many of the people I dislike. So where is he going with this?

It came to a point today, when I realized my fears had come to fruition. For so long I had said to myself, alright I can over look that. I strained on the tips of my toes to look past all the obstacles, to see some common ground, but I fear my mettles depleting. My dear room mate informed me of her latest quest to the local block buster. She said she saw a rather tall bald man, well over six feet was walking around with a black suit and a pair of wings. I commented that it was cool that she got to see such a sight, but she was more confused by how strange it was. ‘Its funny, I don’t get it why would some one do that?’ She laughed at him, instead of with him. She said she did not understand, but now I do.

Soylent Green is people, but no one will believe it.

Uehen/Sean

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Kids on the play ground get into a disagreement communication breaks down because they lack the skills or do not have the experience to deal with the situation so they fight. They same behavior can be seen in drunks. And nations. How many of you remember being separated from one of the other kids in the class by the teacher to stop a fight? How many more soldiers would be killed if they just pulled out? How many more lives would be saved from those soldiers guns. Remember when they said there were only a handful of hard core Saddam worshipers who posed a resistance? Well that may have been true, but they did not tell any one of the thousands of others who would easily be brought into the fold of one of the other factions trying to get America out. America out. America out. That is the mindset of these men. If they were really trying to convert Iraq to democracy, they should have taken a more subtle approach. Making these people hate everything America is not going to make them love democracy. Socialism is more likely to spring up than democracy. As soon as America is out, some one is going to over throw the government and take over as the great liberator.

Uehen/Sean

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Den COMMENT-DATE:2:08 PM COMMENT-BODY:A Photographer Gets His 15 Minutes as the President Requests a Quick Break
Three weeks ago, Rick Wilking, a photographer for the Reuters news service, was in New Orleans taking photos in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Hey, great blog! Keep it up.

I have a cheap digital camera site. It pretty much covers cheap digital camera
related stuff.

Come and have a look if you get time :-) -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 9:54:00 PM ----- BODY:

Frogs Eyes rock.

If I were a rich man...

That there is a war on drugs is not only a sign that we are doing drugs, but is also our victory banner. We do what we do because we do it. You started this war you see, we wanted nothing to do with it. You are the one who is convinced I am wrong, so you have done nothing but give me something to prove to you. These walls that you have built, we will draw our plans on. We will put it for all to see, revealing the secrets in our hearts. Teaching and preaching right to those you hid up in those ivory towers, and once we have reached them they can teach you. We will teach you how you were wrong.

Bah. Stupid system. Why can you not work with me this once. Hey everyone is Saskatoon, I sent that to the paper, so keep an eye out if you happen upon a paper. I doubt they would put that in, but who knows.

More later.

Uehen

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Print Related Sites COMMENT-DATE:9:59 PM COMMENT-BODY:ABC News Provides Video to Thomson Higher Education
ABC News VideoSource , the footage licensing group for ABC News content, and Thomson Higher Education , a business of The Thomson Corp., announced that ABC News will provide access to more than 40 years of ...
Your blog is great . If I can help, let me know. If you ever need in document management software, I'm sure
you'd be interested in document management software -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY:

For what ever reason, of the four hundred odd bands that were mentioned over the eve the one I remember to download was Frog Eyes. My understanding is that they are from Vancouver, or something. They are pretty crazy. I like them. Like, hmm... Hot hot heat mixed with a magical fairy after drinking too much coffee. That is not the name of a band. I mean like a real magical fairy after drinking too much coffee.

Speaking of magic, you know what is crazy? Religious Zealots. I got interested in finding out why every one started burning dungeons and dragons players as witches, or warlocks respectively back in the eighties. It turns out, that it really is only a small group of insane people who have a real problem with it, other than you know it being for nerds. Neeeerd. There are these orthodox Christian types that believe magic is real. Not like David Blaine, or Copperfield, but like Harry Potter and Petter Pan. They do not want their children pretending to cast magic in a game because they believe it will encourage their children to attempt to cast spells themselves. They are afraid their children will become wizards.

This is funny.

So you have these Christian parents raising their children with a healthy fear of god so that next time Sara gets that special feeling in her tummy about Leslie, she might just lash out at her parents by running off and joining the occult. If you fear something enough, and if you let your children understand your fear, they will use it against you. And the further you tighten that sting, the more it snaps back. If you tell your children that Harry Potter is evil and a real threat to them, you are practically telling them that magic is real. You tell them that they shouldn’t try and cast spells, and all they are going to want to do is cast spells.

How are they going to cast anything with a negative intelligence score?

Now I do not think I’ve ever seriously tried to cast anything. Perhaps I tried to use the force to move my cup a little closer, or to convince the local authorities that my companions were not who they were looking for. But I have never sat down in a circle of candles, speaking gibberish and hoping for a demon to show up. There are people who have, and it is sad.

Uehen/Sean

Fire in Suburbia

Once upon a time at the foot of a great mountain, there was a town where the people known as Happyfolk lived, their very existence a mystery to the rest of the world, obscured as it was by great clouds. Here they played out their peaceful lives, innocent of the litany of excess and violence that was growing in the world below. To live in harmony with the spirit of the mountain called Monkey was enough. Then one day Strangefolk arrived in the town. They came in camouflage, hidden behind dark glasses, but no one noticed them: they only saw shadows. You see, without the Truth of the Eyes, the Happyfolk were blind.

In time, Strangefolk found their way into the higher reaches of the mountain, and it was there that they found the caves of unimaginable Sincerity and Beauty. By chance, they stumbled upon the Place Where All Good Souls Come to Rest. The Strangefolk, they coveted the jewels in these caves above all things, and soon they began to mine the mountain, its rich seam fueling the chaos of their own world. Meanwhile, down in the town, the Happyfolk slept restlessly, their dreams invaded by shadowy figures digging away at their souls. Every day, people would wake and stare at the mountain. Why was it bringing darkness into their lives? And as the Strangefolk mined deeper and deeper into the mountain, holes began to appear, bringing with them a cold and bitter wind that chilled the very soul of the Monkey. For the first time, the Happyfolk felt fearful for they knew that soon the Monkey would stir from its deep sleep. And then there came a sound. Distant first, it grew into castrophany so immense it could be heard far away in space. There were no screams. There was no time. The mountain called Monkey had spoken. There was only fire. And then, nothing.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY:

I was worried, for a moment there when the computer crashed that all I had written might be lost to time. But it hasn’t. Good ol word backed it all up for me, despite my not naming a file yet. Just tucked it away until I got back.

I’m taking a break from writing by getting stoned, and writing. This here now to you the reader. You won’t be getting to see my project just yet, oh no, I’ll never show, what mad mans ideas have reaped... or sown... okay. Fine I’m writing a play. You twisted my arm. I feel like I’m bragging. That’s sad. (a moment of sad for sean.) I’m writing a play, and I like the idea. It is new, or at least, I’ve never seen it, nor any one else that I’ve told the idea too. So, here is hoping. I’m four or five minutes written, first draft. Not very impressive, but we are working with a good base. Oh yeah. We. Tyler and I are writing it. I should have said. I like the idea. It is rare that I like an idea, that is workable. I know it is good because it is writing itself. I’ve spend an evening at the key board, and evening punctuated by getting stoned, eating, and star craft, and I’ve already got a base. A good workable idea. I feel like I have found gold. Like I am going to do this until it is finished and then take it across Canada so help me god.

I want nothing more than to do a fringe play next summer.

I should be working harder at this.

Oh well I’ll start tomorrow... ahh...

So it is one of those nights. I don’t feel as tired because my nose has cleared up. I feel like I can breath and live and understand again. You know that first day you feel better? That first day you get your lungs back and your brain turns back on because it is now finally receiving enough oxygen. It is one of those.

So I started thinking, hey, I’ve been smoking these last few days, but only the take the edge off the boredom/dampen the voices in my head, kind of smoking. I hadn’t been baked in a long time. So two bong rounds of hydro and a mystery bud bowl from Thrysus I am now baked. I like the idea of being able to go to the glass studio and renting it out for an hour. Do you hear that James? Any time I want a new bowl for my bong, I can go make my own! How are things back in Saskatoon anyways?

Haha.

Oh Brutus, why did you twist the knife?

Here is a funny thing about living with Tyler that I don’t mind him reading in this post. He will often times make rather funny assumptions about... things. He thinks of the most logical reasoning in any given situation and then assumes everyone else will think the same. More often than not I agree with what ever he assumes, but I think he forgets we also live with a woman.

More fun insight on what it is like to live with Tyler after these messages.

My name is Sean, and this is the story of my life. On December sixtieth I was born around seven thirty pm in Misericordia Hospital Winnipeg Manitoba Canada North America Terra Firma. Nine pounds six ounces. I doubt I’ll ever smoke that much pot. I was lucky enough to be born by caesarean section so my genitals didn’t pass through my mothers even once. I was brought home two days later, after being okayed from some initial lung problems. My mom said I peed on the nurse who was trying to put my first diaper on. She had been reading the little house one the prairie books... or was that with my sister?

Our car was stolen and I was telling the police officers how they broke the glass and took it. I can remember being intelligent at that age, which is strange. I mean, now, I’ve always thought, for as along as I can remember that I am intelligent to a certain level. I personally do not feel that the level of my intelligence has grown... at all, since then. I knew what was going on, and I could communicate what was going on to others. I just use longer words now.

A neighborhood child who keeps taking my toys receives black eye.

That might have been swift current. I’m so fucking prairie. I only moved to Winnipeg so when I moved to Montreal I wouldn’t have to say I’m from Saskatoon. I’m just saying.

Swift current is stealing baseballs from the kids playing on the diamonds. The girl next door eating sand, and her father always having some animal around, on account of being some forest ranger type. Her name was Jodi, my sister named her Cabbage Patch doll after her. The first time I got to hold a Nintendo controller was at the boy down the blocks house. He yelled at me one day while I was walking around. I went over to see what he was yelling about, and we started talking. He had the first street fighter. You know the really shitty one? Or the really shirt port for the NES? Well he had that. And the girl across the street who had a million dolls also had a secret room in her basement that went to some Mario esk fantasy world, that I tried so hard to believe in when I was younger that my memory now is so modified that I remember going there as real. Memory is a strange thing.

Then Saskatoon is school, divorce, Sutherland, and all the other horrible things I do not feel like remembering right now. I remember in our back yard in Swift Current pilling up the soft powdered snow, and jumping off the edge of the balcony into it. When I was in grade one and two, and would think about what it must be like to not have to go to school, I would wish to be back in that place. In the piles of soft snow.

Uehen/Sean

And all the pretty things I could have written.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 PM ----- BODY:

No Kites

in a

No Fly Zone

You know what? I’m glad I left when I did and missed your fancy shamancy fireworks show mr.Saskatchwan. Winnipeg had a lighting storm reminiscent of a photo shoot for God. There was a flash so bright in front of my eyes that I could see burnt into my vision where the windshield wiper had been when the flash went off.

So for the last three days I have been putting on the white stripes and not turning them off until I have made my way through every album. Then I will listen to the new Gorillas, or Sufjan album, and listen to them all again. I did this once with Rage Agianst the Machine, but I could feel myself slowly going insane and one day just kind of snapped and deleted all their music off my computer.

Egypt just fired its government. Election on the 11^th in Japan. I wonder if they did that to stick it to the Americans? What is the general feeling towards America in Japan? Sure they sell us fuel efficient cars, and high definition TVs, but are they not still pissed off about being nuked twice?

I would be.

Hello,

It is far too hot out for Sean’s to be skating with fedoras on. Shorts and t-shirt left me in a muggy mess stumbling to the mall in a sprawl for papers. I found that I was indeed perhaps a little higher than I had anticipated. The ordeal at the bank left me with the impression that the cashier thought I may be cracked out. The hot to cold shock did all it could to impound the problem, but I will admit that I enjoyed this little taste of creature comfort. Back across the street with the hot to cold muddle, I had to convince myself that cheese bread was just Safeway’s way of tricking me into giving them my four dollars, and not a delicious trip through sourdough goodness. I did however cave for the Tim Horton’s frozen coffee extravaganza. Pitter patter, pitter patter, dropped my skate board to make a clatter. I approached Zelfare with hopeful hopeings that I would find what I am looking for. Then, after some quick direction from a sales clerk i see it... Low and behold, this is not your mothers stack of construction paper. This is the kind of construction paper that gave a notable boost to the logging industry. For as many colours as there are it works out to about a dollar a colour and... god damn it! Tyler doesn’t have this thing set on Canadian spelling! Blood hell. What was I talking about?

Uehen/Sean

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Jerome Jackson COMMENT-DATE:4:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:Your blog is creative Keep up the great work. This may be of interest to you; how to buy & sell music on interest free credit; pay whenever you want. -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:edwardjones12989577 COMMENT-DATE:5:38 AM COMMENT-BODY:i thought your blog was cool and i think you may like this cool Website. now just Click Here -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 5:16:00 PM ----- BODY: I would like to write something meaningful.

Something poignant, lasting, or consequential.

Hmm… nope.

Maybe tomorrow.

If I use the different words to say the same thing over and over again it will be come true.

It is true that if I repeat what I said enough times it will become factual.

Making the same point using different words counts as making two different points.

The more you hear something, the more you are willing to believe it.

If I can find another way to rephrase what I just said, it will reinforce it.

The way you argue a point is often more important than the point.

If you can make it sound correct through repetition it will be treated as a truism.

Your views are interesting, but I’ll continue to repeat myself until you believe me.

If we work together I’m sure we could come up with something.

What does it prove?

That proving things is as easy as sticking to your guns.

Persistence over comes resistance.

I’ve seen people get into arguments, where one will say something, the other says the opposite, and then they will take turns rephrasing what was said until one quits. No points will have been made for either side, just that one out lasted the other, or knew more words to apply to the situation.

Drawing lines in the sand on a windy day.

Building sand castles on a low tide.

Building a snow man.

Reproducing.

Tick tick tock.

I have made, big decision.

I gonna try to nullify my life.

Because when the blood begins to flow.

Its time to go.

Uehen/Sean -------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Jack COMMENT-DATE:5:35 PM COMMENT-BODY:Nice ! Very Nice ! I'm trying my hand at a site called, Digital Cameras, which naturally tracks items like 1stop camera digital . Check it if you have time. ---Jack--- -------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 2:06:00 PM ----- BODY: "The federal government will use its emergency oil reserve to help restore supplies (Lost to Katrina.) U.S. Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman said in an interview today in Washington the Strategic Petroleum Reserve can deliver 5 million barrels a day, more than three times the amount lost in the Gulf."

Where the hell are they getting that! Not from us I hope! It better fucking not be us!

So I only have the smallest amount of milk left, and a whole bowl full of Rice Krispies™ and I’m thinking to myself, shit. I start to eat the cereal dry, looking at the next to empty milk jug when I have a revelation. I’ll add it to my tea, and pour the tea on my Rice Krispies!™

I have a phone number now. 475-2812 I cannot remember the area code.

Back in toon tonight.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 4:20:00 AM ----- BODY:

A kitchen

A table with chairs, a counter in the back ground.

Mom is sitting at the table.

A Enters stage right dressed in pjs.

A: Morning mom.

M: Theses no milk.

A: Crap. Is there any bread?

M: Yeah on the counter. What time did you get back at last night?

A: Twelve, I was home before you.

M: Oh yeah.

A: Bit too much to drink?

M: It was Lynda’s birthday, and yes. I feel horrible this morning.

W enters stage left dressed in what she was wearing the night before

W: Morning mom. (And goes to quickly exit stage right)

M: Where was she?

A: Aarons I’ll bet.

M: I was wondering where she was getting off to all the time.

A: Who or where.

I’ve lost my mind. I’m writing a fucking sitcom.

I’ve also given myself a tattoo. I was waving a pen around when I decided it might be a smart idea to stab myself as hard as I could in the middle of my palm. The result is my tattoo. It is small, only a single black dot, but I will be surprised if it ever goes away. Maybe the ink will break down and be washed all over my body to clump in pieces all over the place catalyzing the creation of cancer cells, but it is showing no sign of fading.

I’ll be back in toon town Wednesday night, and I’ll be staying until Sunday. Call ahead of time for bookings, but reservations are privy to preemption, first come first service preferred.

Bonkers

Sean/Uehen

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 12:31:00 PM ----- BODY:

Look at it out there. It is a wonder that the plants out there can survive with all the pollution, people, hail, winter, dry spells, and so on. Yet despite natures relentless vigor, all your house plants are dead.

Maybe you should reconsider breeding.

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 11:56:00 PM ----- BODY: There’s no home for you here girl go-way, there’s no home for you here.

I’ve been listening to the white stripes a lot lately.

First impressions are only important if it is all you get, in a situation where you are going to be forced to get to know someone, I find them to be rather unimportant. That being said, things did not really get off on the left foot, and any step in the wrong direction means you’ll be back tracking. So firstly and foremost, the thing you must know is my other room mate is a female. I guess I should have prepared for the worst given Tyler’s taste in women (ooo burn) but I had been hopeful.

The idea I had in my mind, and one could even say the reason I moved out here was that I was to be living with Tyler. I guess that I have, and it has been wonderful so far, but. She has the biggest room. She also has a boyfriend who is over here all the time. She slaves after him. She wants to join the army. She reads trashy female porn hidden behind titles like, “To tame the wolf,” “Love in a cold climate,” and “Bittersweet Deception.” She works making lunches for hospitals. She left her home in Ontario to get away from her family and to be with her now boyfriend who she met while playing counter strike online... I guess I cannot hold that one too strongly against her.

I have been trying to be nice, but the razor on my tongue is letting blood spill down my throat. I have been trying to get to like her. I am hoping that I am mistaken in judging her on her rabid consumption of coke-a-cola and junk foods. On her high heals and blond highlights. On her country music and horrible taste in movies.

Worstly, worser, worst of it all, and what is making it harder than hard to stand and to bare is how she so badly wants to be my friend. This is a person who in any normal arrangement would get so far as hello, my name a nodding blank stare as she mentions hers which I would promptly forget. I have certain criteria that must be met, in at least a few places before I consider some one as a peer. I do think I am better than other people, I am a class warrior, I do think listening to CBC makes you a better person than some one who does not. These are things I have come to accept about myself. What the hell else am I going to judge people on! I’ll admit right now that I have written off being friends with people based wholly on their taste in music, their dress, their vernacular, their politics, or simply the way they said hello.

She is the kind of girl I would have wanted to date back in grade eight, before I knew better. The kind of girl who you wonder how she got stuck with the loser boyfriend, until you get to know her and end up with nothing but pitty for them both. He parades her around the other geeks like a golden protractor. She does everything he asks.

Writing this all out was supposed to help me over come my bitterness, but it seems to have just focused it with clear bullet point arguments ready to be cross-referenced.

A whole page complaining.

Waking up for breakfast, burning matches, talking grimly, breaking bottles, throwing garbage, drinking soda, looking happy, taking pictures, so completely stupid, just go away.

Uehen

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 7:25:00 PM ----- BODY:

So i have arrived, we have internet, and tomorrow we will have a phone. Right now, i am sitting on a small square of rubber matting in the basement. They could not find a way to bring the cable upstairs so it appears that we will be forced to buy a wifi router... most likely an airport if i can hurry up and get a job. That is the deal you see, get a job buy a Mac with the planting money. I have come to realize that there are few things i enjoy more than just sitting in front of the loving glow of a personal computer. So i think spoiling myself with a Mac is warranted. I just have to get a job first. Winnipeg may seem from afar as just a bigger version of Saskatoon, but it is important to remember that bigger is better. They have a downtown paved in cobble stone. They have two rivers. There is a place that blows glass just down the street from my house. The area we live in could not be better. There are about three Broadway-ish streets here and we are in the crux of them all. The down town is a five minute bike ride away. I need book shelves. Too much tea. I am running low on pot, which is bad... as i am filling my free time with getting stoned and playing Fable. I really do not know how any one could have asked for more in a game... that being said i haven't beat it yet, and am not yet ready to beat it, but it looks as if it may be almost at that point.

Having a hard time thinking.

Okay, that is all for now, more later.

Uehen

-------- AUTHOR: Uehen DATE: 12:45:00 PM ----- BODY: Good Bye Diaryland! Hello Blogger! More with that later! Too Winnipeg! Uehen! ! --------